Wish We Could Have More Time to Spare for Everything ...

I'm going to start writing down my thoughts for the today's entry with a big "sigh", like I did when I woke up this morning. It's not like I want to. But it's more like a way of responding what I'm going to face in a few weeks leading to my final exams. I literally have so much work to be done, assignments, discussion, exams preparations, while waiting for the final praticum list to be issued soon. I can't help but to feel so helpless and nobody can help me get out of this. Lecturers start to get so irritating, work start piling up and everyone will not be around most of the time. I'm pretty much being left alone to get everything done. I've got some friends that I can rely on in times like this but in the end, it's all up to you to get everything together and do a successful job out of it. 

The problem is, which I think is the factor that cause most of human's job unfinished in time, is none other than the time itself. Time is a basic thing in the life of people on the go like me. But somehow, I never learn how to appreciate and make use of what time has given me properly, because of there are people who just like throw their everyday frustration and bring down their frustration on us. So, it looks like we're the one to blame and the one carrying the burden. I never get use to that. God has been telling me so many times to appreciate it in whatever situation that I'm in. But somehow, it feels so hard to do when everyone else doesn't want to make it easy. I'm not blaming God whatsoever. I just hope people out there who actually say they concern about one's future, can actually understand and realize that they are not the only people getting caught in the mess of everyday's job. 

Oh well, thinking about all the things that need to be done really fast and all the people that just can't stop getting on your nerve can make you sick. But you know you have to tough it up and put a brave front, face them with whatever that you can manage to do, and not by doing it forcefully. Whatever that you give your best at in whatever work that you do, you need to remain satisfied and hopefully you can say to yourself that you have tried your best and do the best you can and it's up to those who consider and evaluate. Prays never hurt. In the middle of the festive season, it's definitely hard to concentrate on work when your mind is thinking of relaxation and having fun. How I wish we could have more time to spare for everything ... 

I Don't Understand Him At All ...

Sometimes, it makes me wonder ... "Is he going through an age where everything seems so wrong in his eyes and everything that he does just seems wrong to other people?" It's hard to figure out a man's mind at times, especially when you are trying to figure a mind of a figure. A father figure to be exact. For the last few ... emm .. a few months, he's been acting so wrong in what he's doing. Always here and there and throwing all sorts of tantrum and really got people irritated. And guess what? It's coming from a person you called "father". I sighed thinking about him in the past and there's no different now. It's the same and it's getting a lot worse. I don't what I should do? Mother and sis have stop working on figuring him out. I've been trying to stay away from this matter and trying to act like everything is just beyond what I can do and God has the best thing coming in the end in the future if I choose not to meddle into it. 

He's been acting like this in the past and everyone just got scared of seeing him like that because, you know, something really bad and chaotic might happen. And now, everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY in the household just doesn't seem to care. He's feeling all touching and emotional about that. Hopefully he understands why people are starting to give more space to him to the point of staying away just to do so, because I don't understand him at all. Looks like all these years of people conceiving anger on him are finally taking its toll. 

I really love him dearly as a father, but he should have understood and figured out why it happens now. Because people are not going to tell him what's going on when what's been going on is happening in front of him every single time and day ... 

Tonight

Somewhere up there in Heaven
He’s waiting for my answers
He let all the doors wide open
I have never been an honest prayer

I look into the sky tonight
I can no longer see all the star lights
It’s been days, but where are they now?
Have they fallen all the way to the ground?

Have they fallen?
I wonder ...

No use walking a million miles away
If you can never find a better place to stay
You think there won’t be light to shine your way
You find it hard to believe, but you keep on praying anyway

I know I should have just let go
All the pain and hurts I kept inside
I realise, life can be so shallow
You never get the same kind of chances twice

As the sky gets darker tonight
I pray that soon, there will be some star lights
Though I lose my reflection in the shattered mirror
I can see myself on the moon that shines

I can see it
It’s blinding me ...

No use walking a million miles away
If you can never find a better place to stay
You think there won’t be light to shine your way
You find it hard to believe, but you keep on praying anyway

Once lost in the wind of change
Being left in the pouring rain
Oh, what a day I had before
They say nothing is forever
Believe in one sacred power
So, I don’t have to wonder anymore

‘Coz faith and love
Are all that matter

Let time heals the wounds and wash away the past
I lift my head high and never look back
There’s no need to grieve for things I’ve lost in the fire
And I’ll start it all over again tonight ...



P/S :
Wrote this way back during my early years in college to cheer myself up and treat old wounds ...

Waiting for the Rain to Fall

I’m waiting for rain to fall

So, I can finally break the wall

Sunny day won’t do me favour

If you just sit on the other side, doing nothing at all

I’m waiting for the rain to fall

So, I can finally knock on your door

Clear blue sky won’t do me a thing

If you close your ears and don’t listen anymore

Faith is all that matters

Take your time and wonder

Don’t ever lose to your own coldness

You’ll be frozen by your emptiness

Open up your eyes to uncertainties

It’s just another simple way to live

I’m waiting for the rain to fall

We’ve been fighting endlessly these days

Heat of summer might not be good enough

If the sun that shines bright can’t melt your heart away

Ocean’s deep and mountain’s high

There’s no easy way out in this life

So, try and put out the flame inside

Let love be your guiding light

Through the sky full of grey clouds

‘Cause faith is all that matters

So, take your time and wonder

Then, the storm comes around

And so does the pouring rain

Hope you let it all out

Never hide your fears again

NOTE:

Something that I wrote early last year. It tells you about a somebody, doing everything including the impossibles to save what and who they love. Based on a true story of a friend of mine. It didn't end well eventually, but they are happy with their lives right and have already moved on ... 

In Need of His Grace ...

Aaahh ... feels good to be back here again and write something. I've never touched this space of mine for a good few months and it starts feeling very lonely here. So, I'm going to write something to break the silence. Feels good to be back home after a long walk of examination hardship even though it has been 2 and half months since. I can never reminisce every single thing that happened during that difficult time because they were just too hurtful to be remembered. But, there's still some good things happening and that's what I will take from there to be remembered for as long as I live. All I can say is that, for the first half of this year, I feel blessed and loved by the love from God and every loved ones out there, to be able to recognize the good and the bad again. My eyes have opened up to things we called truth and things we called lies. I could never be the same again and so those things are. I am going to get the right things done and never look back. I don't care what they want to do or say. I'm doing this for the sake of this heart and soul.

These last few days have been very restless for me. My world, or should I put it generally, today's world has been shocked by the thing we called "war" in this modern century. And worst, they were people who got killed during this period. I can help but to think this world may have gone mad in some points. I still can't believe that they are humans who just couldn't be so fully aware of the concept of world peace and still trying to make the worst out of every situation that could have turn for the better if they just take a moment and think. But, I can't also help myself from thinking that these group of people are just some of those things that are just "meant to be". What is happening in the world right now has made me restless. Nevertheless, because of it as well, I have come to realize one thing. This may just be one of those moments that we realize, we need Him more than ever ... don't you think? ...

The Point of It All ...

Doing a bit of self-reflection as I'm here sitting in my favourite cafe with my notebook to look upon. As soon as I woke up, I just realized that it's weekend and I didn't really have an idea what to do. I took my shower, got dressed and woke up out my room and out of my house. And I'm here, onlining as if I got nothing else to do. I still have a lot of work to do. But I decided not long ago that this weekend will be away-from-work day. Just for a while so that I can take a breath of fresh air and figure out what to do next with ease. I've been so out of control and so machine-like. There's no stopping for me these last few weeks. So, I really want this weekend to just work. It's not really going to be all away-from-work weekend totally. I decided to have this weekend for myself just so that I could make use of the time to figure out and finish my own piling work. And I managed to finish one. There's more to go. So the point of it all, I'm finally able to spend some time for myself and do my own thing.

If We Don't Ever Forgive ...

What would ones do, or should I put it like this ... what should ones feel when they don't want to forgive? Sometimes, I really wonder about this whole thing. Forgiveness, for me is a huge thing. But I don't really give my forgiveness away without common sense. There are things that are meant to be forgiven and they aren't. And I choose to live that way as that is one of the things that I believe in in this life. It is very amazing to know that there are very magnificent people who have pure hearts that can forgive and forget. Almost prophet-like. And I'm somewhat amazed by these act of humanity. There's a way that people can walk on to when it comes to searching for forgiveness. And it will always there for those who sincerely wants to forgive and be forgiven. I used to be so heartless. But at this time of age, I can't afford to live that way anymore. It's a waste of time. I learn that life won't ever be as bliss as we could ever wish it would be no matter how far you would go to feel happy .... if we don't ever forgive ...