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Long Gone Last Innocence ~ Fateful Haunting Reminiscence

The Art of Letting Go

This particular entry of mine wasn't really supposed to be written the way I'm going to right now. But, a situation happened and I guess I couldn't help myself from bringing this one up here. This particular thing has been a part of who I am since the moment I experienced my first joy and heartbreak and I proudly say that I'm still learning about it and trying to wrap my mind around it every single day. It gets me every time something good or bad happens and sometimes it can be quite an unbearable emotional burden to shoulder. And I think, I had a few entries about this particular thing previously. It is about how to accept fate as it is and move on. Or in another word, the way of letting things go.

I have to bring this one up because at this moment, a good friend of mine is carrying a huge burden of trying to let something go. In this case, it's human and she is trying to let the love that she's kept for so many years for this person go and move on. And truth be told, she has been spending a good deal of her time trying to let him go. When I first heard her story way back then, I had a clear thought that I would be giving her the best advice possible; let the person go. She has so much love inside of her to give away that it should be given to  one very rightful person. The person who truly owns what he says, what he commits, what he promises and make her happy in the end, so that she should not feel that she gambles her fate away thoughtlessly and pours her heart and souls on a heart that only knows joyride. She said to me in the beginning that she truly believed that this person was the one for her. But time and time again, they both have proved to me, and to anyone that knows them, that they were not meant to be.

One day we happened to stumble upon each other and she started pouring what was inside of her to me. She admitted that the person was not always treating her the way he should and the relationship had turned sour a few times, to the point where it became surprisingly violent and abusive. It was not just the feeling of sadness and disappointment that I felt at that time. I felt sorry, I felt scared, and so heartbroken by what I heard. At the same time, I felt so helpless in a way that, I couldn't really find a way to help her, to give her the best words of advise possible and to mend her hurting heart. I told her that she should listen to her intuition and follow her rationality. And for a while, she did take the words into consideration and she seemed happy moving on even though she told me that the person was looking for her and begging her to return to him a few times.

Not long ago, we had a little chat about what was going on with our lives and she suddenly brought up her relationship to the table. She said they both would break up for good and nothing was coming in between her decision at that particular moment. I could only support her in everything that she was about to do and said she did the right thing because she should know better to give away her heart and soul to the right one, not a man who tend to take things for granted and doesn't really appreciate her dedication, loyalty and everything that she has to offer. However, deep within my heart, I couldn't really help myself from thinking that she wouldn't let him go that easily and she still would find some ways to get to him and get together again. I was right eventually, and it didn't really surprise me. I wasn't really enthusiastic and jumping up and down by the outcome of this whole turbulence.

It got me to a point where my mind started to think, maybe these two were really meant to be and they were forever bound by their heartbreaking fate. Therefore, I let her be and let them figure this out by themselves as I was in no way someone who could actually save it with mere words and opinions. Just as I thought things might go well eventually for both of them, they broke up once again a few days ago. Moreover, I dare to say that she is much more heartbroken now than she was previously. She has so many things to take care of and I really do hope sincerely, from the bottom of this little heart, that she is able to pull herself together through her trying times and do ask God's favour if she ever feels lost.

Somehow after all that has happened, I truly believe that what she is going through is something that I am very well able to relate to. In fact, I dare to say that maybe, I have more things that I'm regretting than all the people that I know. And I'm still in no possible way able to find the way out as I can't help myself from holding on to those things so dear in my heart. It's just heartbreaking and love is all I pray for so that someday, it could help me find a way to move on completely. If that friend of mine ever find this note that I'm writing and read it through, I sincerely hope that she doesn't consider this as a pitiful rant of one of her friend or a display of dissatisfaction and all. This is where all my ultimate truth lies. I pray she would find a peace of mind and possibly, a way to move on as well. Much love to you dear ...

This knowledge of knowing and experiencing brokenness has taught me one thing, that somehow we would find the truth of why they happen and why people seem to be much happier when they are already moving on. Even though it feels like I'm pretty much spent. But I know very well that I can't give up as my happiness is waiting for me somewhere out there. But for now, I'll just have to keep on living my life and bind myself around my loved ones, my friends and things I love dearly. It seems I won't be finding the art of letting go just yet..


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