Innocence White Reminiscence Black

Long Gone Last Innocence ~ Fateful Haunting Reminiscence

Around The World Today

He’s walking down the street alone
With a false hope in his hand
To find the love of his life

She’s running in the pouring rain
Hoping there would be a shelter
So, she could settle down for a while

Whatever gets in the way
They’ll keep on walking
They’ll keep on running

I’m looking out my window
Thinking these are their lives
Always grateful though never been perfect
That’s what goes around the world today

I heard screams of dissatisfaction
2 lovers of different intentions
Hoping to save what’s left before it’s over

I saw a little girl lost in the crowd
Seemed to me, she got nowhere to go
Couldn’t find a place where she could call her home

Whatever reasons it might be
They’d keep on fighting
She’d keep on wondering

I’m staring at the sky
Thinking those are their lives
The love seems all over the place
And that’s what goes around the world today

I saw a woman, she was proposed
By her one and only man, I supposed
But, her face seemed rather not composed

The family next door was falling apart
“Should have gone to waste”, he said
“I think I’ve had enough”, she yelled

Whatever comes in their way
Hope she’ll do the right thing
Hope they’ll make it last, make love shine again

I’m praying for their happiness
For those are their lives
Uncertainties and bittersweetness
Will always be around the world today


I wrote this earlier this year, one of the earliest writing of 2009

Bliss and despair, love and heartbreak, joy and tears and all. All these are just the many parts that mould our entire life. Hopefully, after all those hearts have been mended, and we won't have to run through the pouring rain any longer, a light will shine and bring more good stuff. To all. we say goodbye to a very long year of 2009 and usher the new year of 2010 with all our hopes and fears. Happy new year. Love y'all ^O^~~ 

Take A Time ...

I'm on my way of writing a new piece of written work now. It is all because of my liking towards this one particular artiste. I actually took a time to download the whole album and it was tremendously overwhelmingly superb. The songs were just amazing, particularly on the lyrical side. They were all meaningful in their own way and she's still young. To write something so deep and poetic at such a young age is just amazing, and I just adore these kind of people who can write so well and deliver every piece so well. The whole album inspired me to write many things right now as the artiste really took note on every feeling and every issue revolving around a human's life; love, hate, regret etc. I'm totally inspired now, I just want to write things. It won't turn out as good as what this artiste and other writers have done. But, I'm gonna write things on my own, in my own style and approach and in my own words, with them being the inspiration behind all these that I'm gonna write for days to come. I'm going to take it slow and steady and not rushing or forcing the ideas out of my mind. It's so inspiring to actually find people who write songs that we can connect emotionally to. And this artiste in one of them. She speaks everything that I'm going through at this moment. I'm blown away ...


Hmm... what does it mean to fall? What does it mean when somebody says that he or she has fallen? The word "fallen" itself is every mysterious and intriguing. It is actually one of my favorite vocabulary. It is a very powerful word, very emotional-driven word that I have held on to myself all these years. The word that actually resembles one of many parts of who I am. It is a powerful statement when you say "I've fallen. I can get back up again" because it tells you and you telling other people that you're lost and about to lose it all. For me, to "have fallen" has been a major part of my life, and it also plays a major part that revolves around my writing as well. Because when you get in touch with your inner-self, that is so heart-broken and broken apart, and you're dealing with these every single day, it definitely affects your emotional states. And when you have suddenly gotten back up again, there will always be things followed by that will make you fall again. So, you practically, climb and fall every time. I always get in touch with this particularly "fallen" part of my inner self when it comes to writing. That's reason why I write a lot of really dark stuff that deal with really dark and heart-breaking matters. And that's also why I feel very comfortable writing these kinds of stuff, apart from getting in touch with the many other parts of mine (happy, goofy etc.). But in the end, this "fallen" part of mine teach me a very good lesson every time too, like it always did in the past. You can get back up again and find your way up again. You can get "fallen" but never get too "fallen" that you might never find your way back up to the higher ground again. That particular "fallen" part of mine tells me that all the time. Right now, I am currently in another  "fallen" moment of my life and trying to find a way to get back up again. Hopefully, I'll find it soon ...

Feeling Angry ... And A Little Bit of Hope

I just finished writing about something tonight, but it turned out average. It didn't really reflect the evolution and the changes that I've shown in my previous writing before. But, I did the right thing, I guess. I just wrote it till the end. In the end, I didn't like it. It's so out of place, just like seeing a small kid scribbling. I don't like it at all. The direction that I was trying to get to with it was just not shown at all. So, after I finished writing it, I immediately put it away, didn't even bother to read it all. But, I'm still going to keep it. Someday it might be useful for me and maybe, I would get the chance to rewrite it the way I want it to be, with the rest of the writings of the past, which I think, in need of improvisation and improvement later on as well. Well, the reason I drop by my own blog here tonight, and for the second time in these few hours, is to let my mind rest in peace a little bit. I want to release my frustration and anger that I've kept so long since the first day I came home. We. humans, have the right to feel and show our emotions. For some, it is like a therapy, to let out the poison of themselves. For the rest, it might just for fun. But to me, it is more to loosing up a little bit. Since I'm not quite happy these days, it definitely takes a toll on me. That's why I made an effort to spend some quality time with myself and write something about it. As you all know, I pour out my emotions in my writings, instead of mere words said. But, it didn't turn out well. So, it made me even frustrated. But somehow, out of all this nonsense, it tells me something. I shouldn't have gone to hide myself just to not let everyone knows how I feel deep down. Maybe, it's a good thing to have it released sometimes. Because of that reason, I kept continuing to write what I just finished writing just now. Although it kinda sucked a little bit, I always believe in this talent of writing that God has given me. So, I'm gonna keep it till the day I could finally settle down and rewrite everything, turn it to what it supposed to be. Finger-crossed for that day to come around fast ...

Get Through ...

I just want to write something soon. But, I can't figure out what to write and creative block is just taking over since the day I went back for holidays. I just need to write something. I have a lot of things in mind and I want to get them centered. God, help me get through this. I'm painfully desperate right now ...

I Could Go Back To Every Laugh ...

Everything has changed a bit since I said goodbye back then. I'm trying to get used of it, and I think I'm gonna be just fine along the way. That day was like a very surreal moment for me. Not only I said goodbye to one thing that has kept me going on until now, I said goodbye to a lot of things that has gotten me so worked up, so in grieve, so deeply scarred. It's all about, you're going forward and not looking back and also, not being bothered by all stupid stuff. I thought I just made a big decision too. I just can't wait for things that I'm currently looking forward to come next year. I have lot of big plans and arrangements that I want to work on. I'm moving forward with my savior of all these years too, my writing. Lately, I wasn't really writing that much. Maybe because I had a lot of things going on that I couldn't find a perfect time to lay down words. However, when I suddenly found those times and I started writing something, they turned out to be something positive. Something like, you find light in the dark, positive coming out from negative and all those stuff. And every time I finished writing them, I feel so good, a bit better than I was feeling before. And I'm gonna start writing more stuff soon. I think my writing has just gotten a bit better, a bit more perspective-driven, a lot more serious and a lot more sensitive. I'm kinda liking this new environment that I'm in and the direction that me and my writing are going right now. Maybe, just maybe, I'm gonna get my chance to get them out there for people to listen to soon, with a help of a very good friend of mine, of course"finger crossed". Another thing is, I'm currently learning to put my flaws and all those bad things behind. And also, good things that, sadly, are pretty much the basis of all the craziness and tears, and my disappointment now. Many people wished I could make up those things and let it be the way they used to be, like they were. But, there is something about those things that make me do this and maybe, it is best to let them be memories instead of growing pains. I've got God, a number of best companions that I can actually count to be with me and other things that keep me going, and they are all that matter/Quoted from one of my favorite songs, "I could go back to every laugh...but I don't wanna go there anymore..."

The Time Has Come

The day has finally say goodbye. Hopefully I be strong. Because I don't think I do now ... That is all I have to say for now.

That's Okay

A girl named Sylvia
6 years old, lives in California
In a small house with a mother by her side
Innocent like a pretty little blooming flower

The school is just a few blocks away
But, she’s never got the chance to go there
And she doesn’t get along with other kids so well
‘Coz every time she walks by, they bid her farewell

Her mother sees her then she starts to cry
And says “My baby could have a better life”
Then, she walks back home and sees her mother crying
She says “Mama, we’re gonna keep on praying”

‘Coz light is always shining, but we just can’t see
Heaven’s right there smiling, open up and let it heals
Remember, He is watching, so we don’t ever have to worry
This life might be a pain, but that’s okay

Every morning, she’ll look out her window
And sees her mother walking out the house
Then, she’ll come back when the sun sets down
Saying “Tomorrow I’m gonna find myself a job

Her mother looks at her then she starts to cry
And says “My baby, we both will have a better life”
But, she’s too used to see those tears falling down her face
So she says “Mama, let’s just keep on trying”

‘Coz light is always shining, but we just can’t see
Heaven’s right there smiling, open up and let it heals
Remember, He is watching, so we don’t ever have to worry
This life might be a pain, but that’s okay

Her mother sits next to her and she whispers to her ears
Saying “We’re gonna find a better place away from here”
She holds her mother’s hands, she holds them both tight
And says “Let’s live for all those tears we’ve cried”

‘Coz light is always shining, but we just can’t see
Heaven’s right there smiling, open up and let it heals
Remember, He is watching, so we don’t ever have to worry
This life might be a pain, but that’s okay...

Everything might just be pains, but you know it's normal and it's gonna be alright soon. He is always there watching over ... and that's the best truth you've ever got to know. Writing was inspired by one of my favourite songs...

What Can I Say?'s already started. A bit indifferent about everything. But out of this situation, there has been a few unwanted circumstances happening. Well, I did tried to get them clear the air but they just wouldn't do a favor, leaving me here with so much things to say and to think about. I guess, there are things that people just won't say them out aloud but they would give you some clues. Like a hangover and you have to figure out what they are. The only thing flashing through my mind now is "What can I say?"....what is there to be said anyway? ....

I Don't Have The Heart ...

The final's here, and I am not done with everything that I ever wanted to do. I'm just not ready to let myself be drowned in this moment. I just want to taste more things before I'll never get the chance to taste them anymore. And as I counting the 1 to 3 every single day, a lot of people out there are counting the days till their departure from the place where we are in at the moment. Especially that very special friend of mine. I'll get so sad every time I think about it, while that person is just excited about finishing all this and head for a new life and experience. And all our plans together are still hanging on the wall, waiting to be taken down. Hopefully, we are still on the track of realizing those dreams together, hope that person won't forget me, as much as I won't ever forget that person and everything that the person has done here. I don't have the heart to let everything leave and come away. So how is it going to be? ...

What It Feels Like

Flying angels in dresses of white,
Soaring up in the sky,
So pretty and beautiful,
These phrases can’t describe

Confusion in my mind,
I just can’t understand,
Then, I say a word of pray,
Wish it will go away.

Why do I see grey clouds?
Darker then they used to be,
This must be God’s sign,
For the first time, I know,
What it feels like to believe.

Don’t know how I got here,
Many days have come and gone,
The end is getting near,
But I’ll keep moving on.

The world is changing now,
And the space is going round,
Darkness seems so clear now,
I know what I have found.

Why do I see the pouring rain?
Thicker than yesterdays,
This must be His sign,
Deep in my heart, I realize,
What it feels like to be alive.

I wrote this 2 years ago. One of the earliest literary thoughts that I've ever written, and it's based on a song that I really liked back then. It's about you discover things you have never seen before, know things you have never known and trying to say that you are celebrating what you have and be grateful, be inspired by what freedom and faith have to offer in life, through whatever even a tinge of darkness that may come in your way. It makes me realize, I have never been in that moment of ease for quite some time ...

Like I Never Have Faith At All

Hmm....not actually a great start. Sickness, feeling like you're all by yourself all the time, caught up in workload and on top of everything, not having much inspiration. These are the things that make me even down and somber. Sometime I just feel like I've done nothing more than just trying to destroy myself. Because you know that you're doing things so halfheartedly, and they wont get you anywhere. I'm up against the world right now and pretty much, I'm on my own. And after all that we've done, sometime we kinda like figure out, are these meant for us eventually? Will these be rewarding later on? Are we up for nothing? or have we done enough? I'm afraid I have no answer to those questions. I can just keep on living my life, trying to catch up with things, lifeless. Like you'd never believe in anything before, like you never have faith at all...

Pushing Forward

About to lose my grip actually ... but still trying to hold on to whatever is left now. Friends, faith, my everyday words will be my saving grace for sometime from now on. Start writing some stuff too. Ideas seldom come by, but it's kinda a good thing. I can think of a more serious stuff to write. Other plans are in the making. Last night, had a few ideas with friends that I really want to bring upon to the outside world. A few sets of lyrics and I'll celebrate a hundredth writing soon. But, I'm gonna take it slow and easy, let the idea flows smoothly so I can actually write something great later on. Trying to take everything easy despite of a huge workload and other stuff to handle. I'm gonna do it, no matter what. I like doing them and I'll keep doing them for as long as my will of doing these lives.

In This Time of Chaos & Terror

Currently having a terrible flew. Changing weather nowadays does nothing but making it worse. LOL. And because of this too, having a terrible creative block for the last 4 days. Ironically, before all these happened, I had a very good day and was starting to get all happy about it. Suddenly, the next day, I found myself having a flu. And since then, the days just got worse and I've been struggling to finish everything, from my assignments to my tons of projects that I'll be having in these few weeks to come. It's just terrible and sometime I fell like giving up is the best option. But, think again, this is want I wanted in the first place anyway and it keeps me happy all the time, judging from the fact that I've been so down lately, because of every bad things that I had expected to happen, happened. Trying to find healing in my friends, my work, and my writing on the other side of the world. Right now, I'm having another worst creative block and it kills me actually. I got a set of unfinished lyric that I haven't been able to work on for the few days. Hopefully, I can get it done soon in this time of, pretty much, chaos and terror ....

A Million Different Ways

A million different ways
To love somebody with all your heart
If you can live a day or two with hurts and pain

A million different ways
To find the happiness you’re longing for
If you smart enough to think there’s more to gain

So, don’t bother those senseless thoughts
Crawling through the veins in your minds

One step forward leaves a thousand years behind
One tear of your eyes shatters all the fears inside
A day you realize there’s so much more
Is a lifetime of chances and wonders, that’s for sure

A million different ways
To start this life anew your own kind of way
If all these years, you’ve been living empty lies instead

A million different ways
To close that very last path to your broken past
If you think there’s a reason behind every closed doors

Don’t waste your time for something insignificant
Lift your soul higher than the tallest of mountains

One look on the dark side shuts the light of your future
One bit of loneliness is the road to emptiness
The day this world you live in is ending
Will be your eternal sadness and regret, that’s for sure

Days and nights of blissful hopes and endless glory
That’s the only thing you ever need

Inspired by one of my favourite songs. There are many ways you know to live a life and get what you want in life ...

Season's Greetings

Today is a very spiritually inspiring day. I'm celebrating festive season and I don't know what to say about it. It's been a while since my last feeling of anticipation over festive season because to tell you the truth, I wasn't really into and the same goes right now. It's weird, everyone should be happy walking around visiting relatives.'s hard to say what you feel, when you actually have figured out what would happen usually during the first day. And it did happened just now. Way disappointed. I should had just said I wouldn't be coming along. It's too much and I didn't really comfortable at all. Hypocrisy all over, while you knew what actually happened behind closed doors earlier. I don't want to think about that. They can pretty much do whatever they want to do. I'm sicked of giving words of advise and putting a face. What makes today very inspiring is my writing of course. I took a time to read again some of the pieces that I've done while listening to a few good songs by Taylor Swift. And pop!. New ideas came through my mind and I started writing a few verses. Not yet complete but I'll take my time. That few verses turned out great. Another story-telling kind of poetry but I think, it's a bit different this time. So I'm excited about how it would turn out in the end, though I'm the one writing it actually. Taylor Swift has been my biggest inspiration when it comes to writing poetry, along with a slew of other great singers, songwriters, lyricist and, words and melodies of songs that I listen to. Among all these, she's the premier inspiration because she just write what she wants to and it comes from her heart. The stories she writes in her songs also comes from true events that happened throughout her life. That just makes the songs feel so real because they are. Every time I listen to her songs, I always have something that I want to write down and be proud of it. And in this festive season that I just got the feeling that soon, the joy would end for me, I just want to embrace my poetry just to escape from the world and play with my own little imagination. At least, I won't feel much pain and hurt, after all that I've been through today ...

I Pray

Well....truth be told, I really have no idea what to say about my ongoing life these past few days. It's just so awkward in away, but still at all time high. So I'm trying to catch up with things and start figuring out what to do. I just got to know something that could ruin the entire peace and harmony that I've been having these last few days. I just wish I could go back in time and never listened to what I heard back then. Since then, it started to turn upside down and I don't know If I could keep myself sane anymore in this pretty unstable situation that I'm in right now. So called negative freak I guess. However, good things turned out as well. I started to venture into a new kind of direction in my poetry, start to cultivate the interest of writing something far beyond my years. I'm 20 and that doesn't mean that I can't have a space anywhere in my heart and mind to think about things that are heavy and gives you burden. I'm quite eccentric when it comes to this things because people of my age don't think about this most of the time. But I'll keep myself positive throughout my most difficult time. I pray ...

I Just ...

Hmm...another busy day in the life of a boy. Got mixed up with a lot of stuff that I don't really have time to actually update my blog. But thankful now I got a little bit time to spare. So I'm gonna do the best I can. Well...these past few days are just so reflective. I've been giving myself some spending time to be isolated from the world and drown myself into my writing. I'm getting comfortable with it and I don't restrict myself when it comes to writing stuff anymore. A lot of serious stuff going on and I just want to put them into words. As you all know, it's my ultimate escapism from the world. Trying to take risk a little bit by writing lines regarding alcoholism, broken family and I started writing about a lot of new things as well, stuff that I didn't even bother to look at but they turned out to be something meaningful in the end. And also, I started writing about death, which is a theme I haven't been writing for quite a while. Not to forget, my style of writing is now becoming comfortable too. I'm trying to lose myself and write simple lines but still convey much meaning, while still sticking to my old style of writing that I'm trying to refine. All these new stuff that I wrote are, as usual, very moody and dark. But I couldn't help myself from being true to my feelings right now, which falls somewhere between joy and grieve, and write something out of those feelings. And a very good friend of mine really enjoyed reading them, I couldn't be much happier. I just want this joy of writing to always be with me and the muse and stories, whether they are creation or just a true-story kind of writing, will not end. So I could to tell these to all people that I love and out there I'm saying something and I want them to have a little space in their heart and mind to figure them out ...

It's Been A While ...

It's been a while since I last updated this blog of mine. Time never waits for anyone and it keeps moving as I'm thinking through things over here. I have a pretty good time to spend on myself writing blog ad stuff but work keep piling up it's just been 2 weeks since I got back here. So, i never really got the chance to online and update everything here. So, now I got the time in the world to do so. So, I'll write whatever things that I can put down here. Since my last pot, I've been writing a lot, getting those inspiration from my surroundings. It's every therapeutic in a way. I just want to write more and that's what I love doing now. I got to know some new stories and getting to know a l0t changes and transformation too. It's been a roller-coaster ride. But, I think I'm gonna make it through for a while. Emotions running high these days, but I'll try to manage them and things the way they suppose to be managed. I can't afford to lose myself in own time right now. I'll keep on moving. It's been a while indeed ...


Currently writing a set of lyric about myself. It happened so sudden. Yesterday, when I was looking out my windoas Iw at my hostel, suddenly an idea came and I started writing it down. And as I was writing along the way, it turned into someday that is so reflective. A story turned into a real life story about my life and what I am going through at the moment. I haven't finished it yet. Hoepfully I can get it done by tonight or so ...

Age Is Nothing

I have so many things going on in my mind right now. I wish I can put them down in words and I don't have anything to worry anymore afterwards. You know, all this time I've been surrounding myself with a lot things, possibilites, regrets, friends, enemies, and a lot more. Along the way, I have become another person, another side of myself is aching to shine. It's scary to even realise the fact that I'm growing up with all these things lingering everywhere near. I don't know if I should be happy or sad or even numb. But I'm kinda like anxious about this whole "growing up" thing. It makes you look a bit bolder and older than your age. Age is nothing, the way you comprehend things and developing a thick skin for what's coming is more important.


It triggers a thought when I came to think of this particular word, "bittersweet". Don't you think we're living in a bittersweet world, where happiness and sadness come together to mold the kind of life that we're living at the moment? There will be moments when you think you're at the top of the world, there will be moments when you go on saying, is my life over already? Truth does hurt. I believe, in order to feel that happiness, you must sacrifice and feel something bad and vice versa. Today, I gained something good, as well losing something too. So it's kinda like, bittersweet in a way. Another moment in time where I think, we can't always be happy all the time. There must be a moment where you have to feel sad, in order to live happily. Don't you think? ...

20th Year

Hmm...still can't believe it myself, I've turned 20 today. Feel like I'm getting a little bit older than I suppose I should be feeling right now. A lot have happened within these 20 years, and I'm still trying hard to figure out, take in and comprehend some of the past events that happened. All I can say is that, it has been a bittersweet journey. I've learned a lot too, meeting friends and a lot of new discoveries that contributed to who I am and what I am doing at the moment. All these have moulded me into someone that everybody sees right now. Maybe I have gotten a little bit out of place, a little bit sentimental, emotional, and aware of where my heart is leading me. And maybe during that process, I've become a little bit matured, horizon has broaden a little bit, I start to think about a lot of stuff, a little bit deep when it comes to showing emotions. I dare to say that, I've become a little bit outspoken in away and my mind starts to think about stuff that I've never cared to think over before, I'm more in touch with my personal pragmatism and a little bit improvement on trusting self-judgement and my own judgemental ability towards everything has improved too. I know my journey doesn't stop here. I will definitely be more grown-up than the one that I become right now. And my writing keeps getting improved and a little bit better too, in my own opinion. Currently writing about stuff, another "soul-healing" stuff that I said in my previous post, will be the "ending of a chapter" before I open up a new one later on. Sadness has yet to abandon me. I'll try to will this away. It will affect me sooner or later. Hopefully, things will get better, love will always be here to bless me and light will always be my guide along the way ...

Happy Birthday

Happy 2oth birthday ...


Late last night, I just finished writing one more song, the one that I was working on and I said I wanted to finish before the day of my birthday comes. I got the chance to finish it and it's a great feeling of accomplishment, to think it might be the hardest song I've written so far. It took one week and still, I can't find a way to feel satisfied even though I feel like I've accomplished something. Well, there's still time to improvise. I'm gonna start writing what I consider to be the "ending-of-a-chapter" lyric before I open a new chapter and write more later on. Still considering what to write, either I want to write things that I usually do or other things that I never tried writing before. And tomorrow is another big day of mine too. I'm gonna close the door to another year of age and open a new year with hopefully, things that can make me stronger. I have a few big decision to make too, other than these. It just shows how much has life broaden your horizon and the self maturity that keeps on evolving through time. Somehow, in the midst of overwhelmingly sad emotions that I feel right now, I feel so anxious. What to expect and how I am going to react to everything that will come along the way. I don't know what to wish too. So much to think about, so much to be consumed in so little time. Hope I don't get lost in my own time ...

Counting The Days

I'm actually counting the days until my upcoming birthday. And out of so many questions echoing in mind right now, the question that makes me think is that, what to expect? Because I don't really have any idea what to. Time's moving so fast, I can hardly catch up with things and I bet there's more to come. Time's moving so fast and the hope of having a good celebration, I guess I may have to forget it and pass it on to next year or years after. I still can't find a way to escape my sadness tho. I've been so down lately, since last month and I don't know what caused me to feel this way. It's stupid to say the least. And counting the days until birthday won't do me a single favor whatsoever. I'm currently in an on-going therapy, keep writing poetry to move my mind away from things for a while. In a week or so, I'm leaving my home to start a new session. So I need to recover and get myself on the right track again. And surprisingly, I can't wait to get back and do all sort of things on my own. Talking about writing songs just now, I'm currently in the midst of writing a very reflective song about the fear of being left behind, being alone, like I'm feeling right now, and you realize the feelings don't want to go away. You have done pretty much, everything to save what's left and in the end, it's almost the same as you didn't do anything in the first place. And you wonder to yourself, are you going to be like this, even until the days of you growing old later on, you'll be feeling like this and no one would want to save you and hold your hands, take you out from everything that has saddened you? It's a very reflective song, and it conjures everything that lingers in every corners of my mind right now. I'll try to finish this before the day of my birthday comes ...


She’s a queen
The eyes of a thousand mysteries,
She’s a heroine
From the greatest story,
I’m enchanted as she stands in front of me,
She’s the greatest.

She’s the builder
Of the houses made of light,
She’s a whisperer
Changes the path from wrong to right,
She sparks fireworks when the sky is all clear,
She’s the greatest.

When the darkness seems so blinding,
And there’s no one to be seen,
She raises her hands and holds me tight,
Tighter than she’s ever been,
And she’s a woman.

She keeps it real
When the rest are saving faces,
She let me feel
The warmth inside these empty spaces,
She breaks the silent and cracks those walls,
And her love never ends.

You’re the brightest star
In this endless universe,
Though you’re so far way
Your heart seems so near,
There’s nothing I could say to you,
Than “I love you”.

When I’m lost in this game we called life,
And I’m holding on to the last breath of mine,
She saves me and flies me away to a better place,
She’s my saving grace,
She’s the woman.

The clock strikes midnight,
And I’m losing my sight,
Next thing I know, I’m all alone,
Then, she comes and light up this whole town,
And says “Don’t let your guards down.”
I know I won’t be alone,

I wrote this on Mother's Day. It's dedicated to mothers out there of course. However somehow, any female can actually relate this to them and it turned to women-as-universal themed lyric. So I dedicated this to all women out there.

The Prayer

Driving the misery out of the mystery,
Killing those painful, throbbing memories,
I’ve been living a life so, so empty,
But it’s time for me to move on from this insanity.

Filling up the wide open space in my heart,
Putting back the love once torn apart,
Will I ever be free, I’ll never know for sure,
Just trying to believe, my tears have run dry.

Heaven’s where all the angels belong,
I open up my heart, break those devils away,
Get caught up in between, I’m lost for words,
I’ll say a pray to save my sorry.

When you’re stranded in the endless desert,
And everybody is nowhere to be found and heard,
Things you loved the most suddenly look insignificant,
Can’t you see, you need someone to hold your hands.

Why you have to mind those divine truths,
When you know they’re nothing but lies,
Yearning to your faith, crave for His sanction,
And raise your hands up in the sky.

When you couldn’t save the souls of the broken,
When you’re not strong enough to ram into the wall,
Just remember this, you’re only human,
You’ll say a pray, hoping for a call.

You’re not a savior,
I’m not a guardian,
And so, we’ll be the prayer,
And we pray,
For we’re only human.

I wrote this after listening to a song 2 years ago. It's about us being a prayer to the Holy One above and diligently praying and hoping for the best. In this time of endless grieving, saying a little pray for myself wouldn't hurt ...

What's Next?

Hmm...finally done with one piece of lyric. I'm currently looking for another inspiration to write. I want to write specifically about things I've never written about before. Things that are unconventional, maybe trying to tackle down something like I did before, writing about a dying soldier. Suddenly, my horizon is just being opened by this whole "unconventional writing". I want to write something that is so deep, but at the same time, so accessible for everyone to understand and think. I'm feeling this way maybe because these last few weeks, I've been so down and so consumed with feelings of loneliness, sadness, everything that are so negative. I found positivity by altering these feelings into words and put them down into sets of lyrics that I can sing away and lay down melodies on. It's my escape. Even though the feelings still linger and they get stronger by the moment, I still think it's a good thing to turn them around into something else, something I love doing. And because of these feelings too, I start to think about a lot of things, maturity is growing bit by bit, and start to look out for things "unconventional". This whole situation is totally different, I've never felt like this before. I find a little bit of comfort by meeting a lot of good people and thinking about all these stuff. That's why I want to start writing about things "outside of the box". Just want to broden my horizon and looking for new experience out of all these feelings of loneliness, sadness, dullness that I feel right now. What do you think? ...


Ignorance is bliss
In a moment, it ends with a kiss

Silence is golden
It breaks as the tables turn

Mirrors shatter to pieces
Reflections fall and disappear
You’re sitting around thinking over
Thoughts you have in mind are so unclear

Lift your hopes high
But, they can be so out of reach

Nightmare is the devil’s game
Sometimes, it can be so real

Lost in this world you don’t seem to bother
Promises you have failed to keep after all these years
You’re sitting around without looking your way out over
Never wonder where all those promises go

They say nothing is forever
And you believe it anyway

You run away from your loving family
And come back crawling at their feet someday

People come around with troubles and stories
So, seek that sacred light and you’ll find your glory
Don’t sit around thinking your senseless thoughts over
The life gets sweeter, it keeps getting better

I wrote this for a friend of mine and it's about the relevance and logic behind every single thing that you believe in.


In his eyes,
There’s nothing he couldn’t do,
There’s no wall he couldn’t break through,
In his life,
Love was all he had to offer,
If it’s gone, and it’s all over,
Uncertainty with a taste of curiosity,
And that was how he used to be.

To their eyes,
He was liked and loved so dearly,
There’s no room for dreadful memories,
What a life,
His never-ending miseries touched their hearts,
Strange enough, they never seemed to end,
As if he could get away from everything,
That was how he’s supposed to be.

He said, “Glad to get to know you.”
They said, “Friends forever, it’s true.”

They swallowed him in and spitted his flaws out,
They closed their ears and shut the past without a doubt,
The bliss and glory sealed those talking mouths,
They’ve never been this swept away.

Came a day,
When a single truth unfolded countless of lies,
Simple talks would turn to meaningless fights,
There’s no way,
He could ever be forgiven,
He blew all the chances he’s been given,
Just like a shadow, he’s disappeared,
Leaving them speechless and lost for words.

They wondered,
Why they didn’t just leave him alone,
Still, they held out and never walked away,
But I’m sure,
The pieces of the shattered puzzle,
Will fit in as one once again,
A lost bird would find its way back eventually,
And that’s how it’s gonna be.

Will the wait be forever?
Will they be waking up sober?

They kept on moving, kept on praying,
For “Men like us don’t kick and break.”
These words of honesty moved me so much,
I’ve never been this swept away.

Navy blue sky,
Of starless night,
Soon filled with glitters,
Of hopes shine bright,
“Pour down your love and grace upon them.”
Wish He would listen to this plea of mine…

A wrote this not long ago to let go something that has gotten me sadden until now. What's worst that having a person you call one of your best friend and suddenly, walk away with nothing to say after all the commotion, suffering and everything bad that the person had done? On top of that, pretending like nothing has happened. It's animal and that person's just anything worst than that. If that person ever happen to read this stuff I wrote, hope you'll get what you deserve and lose in your own little losing game. I pray you'd be burned scorch with all your lying mouth and dirty heart.

Nothing Much To Say, But ...

Well, today was pretty much normal and dull. I don't think I got anything else to say other than that. Feelings were pretty much the same too as before. I can't will them all away just yet. So, I'll consume myself in writing and try to write something. Previous writing, haven't finished yet. Creative block. But, I will try to lay down more words tonight. And in a blink, I'm gonna celebrate my birthday in a week or so. So, I'm getting older and I don't even know anything, regarding my surrounding and myself. So, what will I become later than? ...

It's Been Too Long

This morning, I decided to go outing and have some fun wondering alone around town after a long period of locking myself up in my own house and my own room. Just to let the stress and sadness out of my body and soul for a while. Even though, it didn't really help much. But, it's still good enough. At least, I wanted to do something with myself. Last night was great, and i started writing verses for the next set of lyric. I've been so sad and so out of place lately, trying to put myself together and picking up pieces so they would fit in once again. I need some rest too, and tonight, I'll continue on the writing. Immersing myself in so much negativity is my only way out for now. Hopefully, it will go away soon.

Soul Searching & Healing

Truth be told, I haven't write something like "finding the light in the midst of chaotic moment" for quite some time now. I used to write about it a lot in the past because maybe at that time, I was trying to find myself and look out for things outside, try to view things in a very unconventional way. So that's why I wrote a lot of "soul-searching and healing" stuff in the past. But, as I grow older, suddenly my thoughts are no longer walk in that direction anymore. I seldom write about it nowadays and move my style of writing to a more warm and conventional approach. Maybe, I'm trying to lose myself a little bit and taking my time writing. Right now, all I can say is that, my whole life is changing and I might be going for something bigger, something more chaotic than this I need to find my healing, which is by writing this kind of stuff. A good friend of mine texted me last night about a phrase that was just coming out from her brain late afternoon yesterday. And it opened my eyes about writing this stuff all over again as the phrase was somewhat "religious and full of soul healing" in a way. Maybe tonight, I'm gonna write something like that again but with a different approach this time. You know, as you get older, your horizon just gets wider and you're becoming a bit open and mature about everything. Can't wait to lay down the words tonight. Hopefully my on-and-off creative block doesn't get in the way.

An Honest Mystery

A rush of fears is running through my veins,
Insecurities keep suffocating me again and again,
Just thought of giving up, then there’s a figure, it’s you,
You’re standing tall in the crowd under the sky so blue.

Her beauty speaks the words of philosophy,
Though her presence is nothing but ordinary,
Glasses on her face and a bag full of books,
She makes sure her days won’t pass by empty.

Behind those shining eyes,
There’s an honest mystery,
By the skin of her teeth,
Look how far she has been,
I’m enchanted, and I’m sure.
There’s no ending to her story.

She gives me chances when I feel like falling,
She calms me down when my heart is hurting,
I know you won’t let me down, my friend,
Even if the light is gone, we’ll make it ‘til the end.

Every now and then, we’ll chat on the phone,
But she never let me know what’s going on,
All her girlfriends linger to her day and night,
I’ve never seen her walking down the road alone.

She paints her faith with fate and destiny,
Every hope she prays for is a taste of glory,
Her life is an open circus for the whole world to see,
But when it comes to tears she cries, it’s her privacy.

I can never find the answer,
To this honest mystery,
What a girl she has become,
Now, she’s better than me,
Sooner or later, she’ll realize,
She’s the hero of her story.

She lives her life like she’s in a battlefield,
She gives me something dear to hold on to,
She gets smaller while her dreams are getting bigger,
Cause in the end, what she believes is all she got to prove.

The smile is so kind and true,
It makes feel like I’m a fool,
A little unruly and out of place,
But I won’t love her any other way.

I wrote this for one of my best friend. One day, she said for once, she wants to hear how other people see her through their perspective and points of insight. So, I volunteered to write something like this so she could figure out how I see her through my eyes. And until now, they never change. She is what she is in this writing. Which I'm glad.

It's Done

Wow...I can't believe this. As soon as I posted the last post just now, I got down with that unfinished writing and just like that, it's all done. Sometime, I'm so amazed with what I can do myself. Let's move on to a new set of writing. I'm fired up.

Has Yet To Finish

I don 't know if I'm trying to tackle down something I don't really have any idea to talk about. It is just as good as dead. Still writing it and I don't know when I'm gonna finish this up. Lol

I Wonder

I wonder if I have made a mistake to that person......If I did then I should be saying sorry. Well, I have so much emotion concealed in the core of my heart today. I'm gonna let them out. And, I'm still currently writing about yesterday's thought. By tonight or tomorrow, it'll be finished. It might turn out way different that what I expected, but at least, I give myself a try to tackle down something that I don't usually put myself into, or even think about it in everyday life.

I See You

In the crowd,
In empty spaces,
Nobody knows,
I kiss your face.

Like a wind,
Whistles through the wall,
I’ll be here for you,
So, let me hear your call.

I’m soaring like a meteor,
Across the Mars and the Jupiter,
Suddenly, I crash on the Earth,
But it’s all worth it, when I see you.

Think of me,
Everyday and every time,
I love you,
So, please don’t cry.

Passing seasons,
Won’t change a thing,
All I know,
You’re my everything.

I’m flying like a bird,
Above the sky and the mountains,
And I land my feet on the ground,
In a blink of an eye, I see you.

A random thought of mine a few months ago ...

What Does He Think...

What do a soldier think when his life is about to end in a battlefield?...I wish I could figure it out. Currently writing about that actually. I was just surfing the internet and I found out about this one song form a band. The song was about thoughts and views from a soldier who was going to die and it just started ringing in my mind. And I said "Oh yeah, what does he think when his life is about to end?" So I tried imagining myself in that position and just write. I'm not a soldier. I'm not even a person who fights. So it's kinda hard.


Yeah!! Finally, the song has just finished a few minutes ago. I'm so over the moon as I'm taking my time writing it and it turns out to be pretty good. It's a song based on a true of a friend of mine who was being left without a word and someday, he himself would come around and tell the actually reason of him leaving her that way. But I try to make my own kind of twist in the song, putting the situation in between the transition of ending of the summer and the starting of autumn, which I think, is a very nostalgic season. It's a great therapy session and I just got more ideas to write after finish writing it. Hopefully, I can get them centered and put them into words later on.

See You Again

I lost you,
In the crowd,
I called your name,
Was it loud enough?

I walked through,
A winding road,
Nowhere to turn to,
And nowhere to go.

Million pieces of broken yesterdays,
I’ll keep them safe in my hearts anyway.

If I could travel across the distance,
Of mountains high and rivers deep,
I would tell you what I’ve been wishing for,
Someday, somehow, I’ll see you again.

I don’t care,
If I have to die,
To be with you,
Is worth any sacrifice

I’ll let you know if my heart’s still beating,
Cause in the end, I’m the one who stay.

If I could fly across the universe,
Where the stars sing songs of endless love,
I would be the one to guide you all the way,
Just believe in me, I’ll see you again.

A dedication to all best of friends out there, wherever you are at the moment, in deepest of misery or at the top of the world, remember that there will always be people who stay by your side, regardless of any flaws that you have. A lot of things have happened these days and I can only hope for the best and the outpouring happiness for all of us. There's no perfection and there's nothing more perfect than imperfection and the same goes to all of us. There's nothing much more happier than seeing you happy that, even if I'm not happy at the time, seeing you living your lives happily is nothing a but a bliss for me. Troubles come and go, fights and wars between us come and go, but remember, pure friendship is eternal.

Still Moving

I started writing about the thing I said I wanted to write yesterday. The flow of ideas was great, even though the results were a bit off than what I expected. But it's still great and I have fun writing it. By tonight or tomorrow, It'll be finished and can't wait to lay down the music. Lately, I've been a bit down and been writing a lot of sad stuff. But, that feeling keeps flowing with a lot of ideas for my writing, even though they were all dealing with lost, breaks-up, death and stuff. Well, at least I want to stay true to my feelings right?

Midnight Thoughts

I just had a pretty long chat with a good friend of mine, who is currently dealing with her personal problem. And she suggested something out of the blue that was so good, to the point where I started singing impromptu with melody in my head. I'm gonna start writing about it soon, and hopefully, I can get down with the melody. But now, I'm still trying to get over my ongoing creative block...i.i~~

An Unexpected Muse

Well.....currently having a very terrible creative block for a good 3 days now. Just so away from my pencil and writing book. But managed to finish recording a rough piano track and figuring out what to do with that. Hopefully, I can get down with that and create more materials soon. But first, I need to get my writing back on track. I need to get it polished....^O^~~

A Matter Of Heart

Have you ever wondered
Why you run away
From the truth that comes to save you
You just throw your hopes
On the stairs
Wishing they would leave you alone.

Have you ever needed
Someone to talk to
To lead you out of the loneliness
So, don't be lost in the crowd
Full of fools
Guard your soul from the raging darkness.

Lie's all a matter of heart
If you believe it, it tears you apart
A thousand years of living won't mean a thing
If you don't dream
Just breathe easy
Breathe easy.

Have you ever wondered
Why the light is here today
And it will always be there for you
Clouds of grey above your heads
Will come and go
But, sun will shine forever.

Have you ever thought of
A hole deep inside you heart
Only nothing but a burden
Then, just cast away
Let time heals you once again
Drown your past into the ocean.

Love's all a matter of heart
Bring back all the good times to the start
No room for gloomy days
Each moments you make is another glory
So, let it be.

I did this for a friend of mine, who was going through a tough time fighting in a losing game not long ago, hope that person likes it though ...

An Ode to the Beginning

Follow my heart
To where it leads me
Hopes and fears
Are vanished eternally

For today and the days after
This is what I suppose to be
I'll move on and wash away
Empty dreams and haunting miseries

The sound of tomorrow
Breaks the yesterday's silence
Loneliness and sorrow
Nevermore be an option