Innocence White Reminiscence Black

Long Gone Last Innocence ~ Fateful Haunting Reminiscence

Simply Extraordinary

I admit wholeheartedly that I'm not really good at giving anything to anybody. I don't even consider giving anything to anybody most of the times. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that, it is something that you need to put a lot of thoughts into. I'm always a person with so many thoughts, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to something precious to be given to somebody, I usually tell myself to skip it. I would rather watch people around me exchanging gifts and see what they've gotten from one another. Nevertheless, I do believe that no matter what kinds of gifts that people give and take, even if they just a small token of gratitude anyone can find anywhere, they constitute so much meaning to the giver and the receiver. I have a lot of people giving me a lot of things every now and then and I can tell that they come from their deepest and sincerest hearts. The problem is that I don't really have the urge to try giving them something to remember and cherish too as a way to thank them. Other than spoken gratitude and a display of affection, I've got nothing on my plate. Therefore, a few weeks ago, I decided to try doing new things, something that I had never done before. Seeing people giving so much love and support to me, it makes me want to give something back to them in any way possible. I decided to send greeting cards to few friends just before the Eid celebration.

For the first time in my entire life, I decided to send greeting cards to some lucky friends of mine. It sounds quite childish and very extraordinarily nothing to some hearts. But, I take this one as one very valuable experience that I will never be able to forget. What made me decide to do it was that, I felt like I needed to repay their kindness and openness towards me. I'm always a private guy who don't really share things even to my family members as I like to keep them to myself. But, seeing these great friends of mine opening up to me and nonchalantly letting me in to their world and giving me a time and space to get to know them a little bit better, just overwhelmed me in so many ways I could think of. What made me even more overwhelmed with joy was that, I didn't really get the chance to know some of these friends in the past even though we had already known each other for years. And, we ended up getting to know each other so well in the most unthinkable and random situations possible. 

What I wrote in each card was different. And the feelings I poured down were different in each card as well. I decided to make them worth reading and somewhat reflective as it was my first time. Since I couldn't afford to buy, or even manage to find, bigger cards, I simplified whatever things that I really wanted to say. I went on to write an introductory apology for all the wrongdoings that I had done, the recent memories that we both had that made us closer and what I really thought about them as a person. It took quite a while to complete them all as I was extremely busy with doing all the Eid celebration up to the first few days of Eid itself. The fact that I chose to brainstorm what I really wanted to say caused much delay as well, but I didn't regret my decision. I believed at that time, I needed to be cautious with my thoughts and what I was going to write to my friends as thoughts wrongly interpreted might lead to unwanted misunderstanding. In the middle of that chaotic weeks, I would squeeze it in and spend a few nights completing them little by little. Eventually, I managed to complete doing it and slide all the cards in the mailbox just in time.

At that time, I just wished that the cards would reached them in time. I didn't really expect any kind of blown-away reaction coming from them. I just thought that it was one of those good things that I rarely did and hoped the cards would be kept safe as a thing to remember. It gave me a sense of self-fulfilment and satisfaction to be able to do it. It's quite amazing how an act as ordinary as sending cards could lift you and give you something that some bigger things could not. And now, it gives me some sort of clarification that I really should start appreciating smaller things that has bigger meaning that they appear. It was simply extraordinary at that time, and it will remain extraordinary for as long as I breathe ...

A Risky Opportunity

It has been such a long time since my last entry. I am well aware that I'm doing less and less writing these days. Intentionally not writing about anything is far and away not the case here. It's just that I don't have the mood, the right ideas and thoughts and words to write anything. My mind was just taking a sudden creative break and I wasn't really in the right state of mind either. However, I don't intend to abandon this little space of mine and what I love doing as well. So, I hope from time to time, I will be able to put up something to read.

I spent a lot of days trying to focus on something very important. Something that I really want to do and pursuit in life. I've done a lot of opportunity-searching lately. Just trying to look for any kinds of chances that I could grab while enjoying my life just a little in reality. I believe one's life doesn't only revolve around technology and Internet most of the time. One does need to enjoy life and be at places where everybody goes to sometimes. I met up with some of my friends as we had a lot of things to catch up on with each other. A lot of soul-searching and horizon-broadening too. I did all that, until yesterday. I had a chance to experience something that I never thought I would in my entire life together with a couple of my good friends. And, it turned out to be one of the most important days of my life.

We went to a career exhibition in the city and we tried our luck on going for some huge companies along the way. One of them was totally a random decision. It was so random to the point where I had second thoughts about it. And the company was not really looking for any kinds of graduate from my field. We don't really have what it takes to be in that place too. But, we were quite attracted to the kinds of work that they do everyday. It is a huge, well-known company that holds conferences. events and other kinds of entertainment-related work, which is something that I quite keen to have a chance to work in. We were able to listen to an informative explanation from the senior manager himself. He was indeed kind enough to entertain us and gave us an overview of what the company was all about. Being engaging and extremely friendly didn't hurt either. One of my friends was very excited, she was already imagining us working there. I was, on the other hand, full of doubts and reservation. The same went to my other friend too. But, in the end, she managed to persuade us to go for it together and as soon as it finished, I just thought that I had made up mind on something so huge. I had a lot of instant anxiety, doubts and uneasy feelings the whole day. But everything was already said and done. There was no use regretting what we had got ourselves into. We walk off the place, hoping and praying we had truly made the right decision for ourselves just then.

People keep on telling me that you should take chances in life. As much as I believe in that inspiring phrases, I do believe that we must think the chances through before we make up my mind on what we should do. We ought to make the right move in order to make a conscious decision that will only lead us to good things in the end. As much as I want to think that the chance that I took yesterday was something that I couldn't miss out on, I do have my reservations as well. I don't know how it is going to turn out for me and my friends and how I am going to work there and try to blend in with the environment if I've got accepted. If it's meant to be for me, then I may give it a try. If it's not, I have nothing to lose either. At the very least, I had a chance to try my luck and conquered my fear. It was truly a risky opportunity to lay my fingers on, but I need to at least be positive about the whole thing. At the back of my little mind, I can't help but hoping it's all worth it in the end ...