Never Ending

Crimson flame,

Burning like a sun,

A sign for me,

It’s all been said and done.

Shining light,

Blinding my vision,

But it’s all over now,

Finally, I can see my salvation.

Throw those lies away,

Live like there’s no end,

For better or for worse,

I live my life till the end.

This is a song for the lonely,

Crying over never-ending sad stories,

Let love prevails once again,

Wash your tears away in the pouring rain.

The truth,

It’s like diamonds in the sky,

They could be a million miles away,

But, the lights shine bright.

Roses’ thorns,

They’re nothing but hurting chains,

Keep yourself away from the raging lies,

Because, they’ll only cost you pain.

“Happily ever after” won’t come,

Without “Once upon a time”

Let your heart beats like a drum,

Because you know, it’s not a crime.

This is the only way out of,

Your never-ending insanity,

Things you’ve never dreamed of,

They’re all in your hands to see.

Things happen,

There’s a reason why,

A million decisions,

It’s for you to decide.

Broken hearts,

Will heal once again,

Love will keep you out,

Of the pain you’re in.

NOTE:

Wow. How long have I been keeping this one? This is actually an early writing of mine. A couple of years ago to be exact. Based on one of my friends' experience of having a very rough-filled moments with all bad things just wouldn't want to end. But, that person knew that it's all meant to be so that the person could get stronger with each pain. Definitely an old piece and I like keeping it just like this, not only to show the original thoughts of my teen years, but also growth of a person. And I'm growing day by day, so does the person I took the experience from to write this one ... 

Poetry is the Body, Emotions are the Souls ...

With such proud and arrogance, I would like to confess something here. I am not a good writer, even a good judge over things revolving around me. I am not Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson or whoever literary figure that you may be familiar with. But, all I can say is that, words are the only thing that I have when I cannot do or say something explicit and obvious. Whatever that I can do or say freely without constraint, it may just be the simplest that I can do. I learn that, they are things you can speak as freely as you want and they are things that can never work when you try doing them sometimes. When you don't see me ranting about somebody, helplessly trying to get help when I cannot do things or anything, you will find me looking for answers in my poetry. 

Poetry, especially the lyrical poetry is my obsession. Not only an obsession, it is my salvation apart from my God and my faith. I will write something about what I am emotionally connected to or even other things that I cannot do or say well. I am a very emotionally engaging human being and I can easily feel towards something that I am connected to. Whatever things that people have told me about, I would write most of them and keep them till the day I could tell these with such freedom. 

What I learn about writing thoughts and emotions through poetry is that, it can actually suppress my deepest, darkest emotions and mend them without ever making me go insane. They are my seductive trap and I will try as hard as I can to not show them. What I am showing is the true self of mine, but with subtleness. I am not showing it off too much that people would find reasons to hate me. I have a body and a soul that I'm living with every single day. And the same goes to my thoughts as well when I'm writing one. Poetry is the body, and emotions are the souls that it carries along with ...

I Was Enchanted ...

How this one person can speak my mind out like it's nothing, I'm not too sure about that. Something magical is definitely in the air when she speaks, and when she does, I cannot stop relating myself to what is being said. Yesterday, I managed to download an album before heading to my hometown. It took me a night to listen to every single song in the album because I was listening in my MP3 player while folding up staff and packing up everything. A favorite singer of mine, specifically, a favorite songwriter of mine. And this person didn't disappoint. I was into every single song in the album not because of they're new and great (they are a great piece of musical craftsmanship anyway). It's that, I can actually relate every single one of them to what is currently going on in my life, especially for the past few rough weeks that I had. I will not hesitate to admit that I cried listening to one of the song in the album. The song let me know something very important. You can plan everything all you want, even emotions that you want to feel. But, interventions will just want to halt some of them and you will have to start all over again. I kept repeating the song all over again till the moment I took my last steps before going home this morning. I was enchanted, and I still am now ... 

Wish We Could Have More Time to Spare for Everything ...

I'm going to start writing down my thoughts for the today's entry with a big "sigh", like I did when I woke up this morning. It's not like I want to. But it's more like a way of responding what I'm going to face in a few weeks leading to my final exams. I literally have so much work to be done, assignments, discussion, exams preparations, while waiting for the final praticum list to be issued soon. I can't help but to feel so helpless and nobody can help me get out of this. Lecturers start to get so irritating, work start piling up and everyone will not be around most of the time. I'm pretty much being left alone to get everything done. I've got some friends that I can rely on in times like this but in the end, it's all up to you to get everything together and do a successful job out of it. 

The problem is, which I think is the factor that cause most of human's job unfinished in time, is none other than the time itself. Time is a basic thing in the life of people on the go like me. But somehow, I never learn how to appreciate and make use of what time has given me properly, because of there are people who just like throw their everyday frustration and bring down their frustration on us. So, it looks like we're the one to blame and the one carrying the burden. I never get use to that. God has been telling me so many times to appreciate it in whatever situation that I'm in. But somehow, it feels so hard to do when everyone else doesn't want to make it easy. I'm not blaming God whatsoever. I just hope people out there who actually say they concern about one's future, can actually understand and realize that they are not the only people getting caught in the mess of everyday's job. 

Oh well, thinking about all the things that need to be done really fast and all the people that just can't stop getting on your nerve can make you sick. But you know you have to tough it up and put a brave front, face them with whatever that you can manage to do, and not by doing it forcefully. Whatever that you give your best at in whatever work that you do, you need to remain satisfied and hopefully you can say to yourself that you have tried your best and do the best you can and it's up to those who consider and evaluate. Prays never hurt. In the middle of the festive season, it's definitely hard to concentrate on work when your mind is thinking of relaxation and having fun. How I wish we could have more time to spare for everything ... 

I Don't Understand Him At All ...

Sometimes, it makes me wonder ... "Is he going through an age where everything seems so wrong in his eyes and everything that he does just seems wrong to other people?" It's hard to figure out a man's mind at times, especially when you are trying to figure a mind of a figure. A father figure to be exact. For the last few ... emm .. a few months, he's been acting so wrong in what he's doing. Always here and there and throwing all sorts of tantrum and really got people irritated. And guess what? It's coming from a person you called "father". I sighed thinking about him in the past and there's no different now. It's the same and it's getting a lot worse. I don't what I should do? Mother and sis have stop working on figuring him out. I've been trying to stay away from this matter and trying to act like everything is just beyond what I can do and God has the best thing coming in the end in the future if I choose not to meddle into it. 

He's been acting like this in the past and everyone just got scared of seeing him like that because, you know, something really bad and chaotic might happen. And now, everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY in the household just doesn't seem to care. He's feeling all touching and emotional about that. Hopefully he understands why people are starting to give more space to him to the point of staying away just to do so, because I don't understand him at all. Looks like all these years of people conceiving anger on him are finally taking its toll. 

I really love him dearly as a father, but he should have understood and figured out why it happens now. Because people are not going to tell him what's going on when what's been going on is happening in front of him every single time and day ... 

Tonight

Somewhere up there in Heaven
He’s waiting for my answers
He let all the doors wide open
I have never been an honest prayer

I look into the sky tonight
I can no longer see all the star lights
It’s been days, but where are they now?
Have they fallen all the way to the ground?

Have they fallen?
I wonder ...

No use walking a million miles away
If you can never find a better place to stay
You think there won’t be light to shine your way
You find it hard to believe, but you keep on praying anyway

I know I should have just let go
All the pain and hurts I kept inside
I realise, life can be so shallow
You never get the same kind of chances twice

As the sky gets darker tonight
I pray that soon, there will be some star lights
Though I lose my reflection in the shattered mirror
I can see myself on the moon that shines

I can see it
It’s blinding me ...

No use walking a million miles away
If you can never find a better place to stay
You think there won’t be light to shine your way
You find it hard to believe, but you keep on praying anyway

Once lost in the wind of change
Being left in the pouring rain
Oh, what a day I had before
They say nothing is forever
Believe in one sacred power
So, I don’t have to wonder anymore

‘Coz faith and love
Are all that matter

Let time heals the wounds and wash away the past
I lift my head high and never look back
There’s no need to grieve for things I’ve lost in the fire
And I’ll start it all over again tonight ...



P/S :
Wrote this way back during my early years in college to cheer myself up and treat old wounds ...

Waiting for the Rain to Fall

I’m waiting for rain to fall

So, I can finally break the wall

Sunny day won’t do me favour

If you just sit on the other side, doing nothing at all

I’m waiting for the rain to fall

So, I can finally knock on your door

Clear blue sky won’t do me a thing

If you close your ears and don’t listen anymore

Faith is all that matters

Take your time and wonder

Don’t ever lose to your own coldness

You’ll be frozen by your emptiness

Open up your eyes to uncertainties

It’s just another simple way to live

I’m waiting for the rain to fall

We’ve been fighting endlessly these days

Heat of summer might not be good enough

If the sun that shines bright can’t melt your heart away

Ocean’s deep and mountain’s high

There’s no easy way out in this life

So, try and put out the flame inside

Let love be your guiding light

Through the sky full of grey clouds

‘Cause faith is all that matters

So, take your time and wonder

Then, the storm comes around

And so does the pouring rain

Hope you let it all out

Never hide your fears again

NOTE:

Something that I wrote early last year. It tells you about a somebody, doing everything including the impossibles to save what and who they love. Based on a true story of a friend of mine. It didn't end well eventually, but they are happy with their lives right and have already moved on ...