Innocence White Reminiscence Black

Long Gone Last Innocence ~ Fateful Haunting Reminiscence

I Don't Have The Heart ...

The final's here, and I am not done with everything that I ever wanted to do. I'm just not ready to let myself be drowned in this moment. I just want to taste more things before I'll never get the chance to taste them anymore. And as I counting the 1 to 3 every single day, a lot of people out there are counting the days till their departure from the place where we are in at the moment. Especially that very special friend of mine. I'll get so sad every time I think about it, while that person is just excited about finishing all this and head for a new life and experience. And all our plans together are still hanging on the wall, waiting to be taken down. Hopefully, we are still on the track of realizing those dreams together, hope that person won't forget me, as much as I won't ever forget that person and everything that the person has done here. I don't have the heart to let everything leave and come away. So how is it going to be? ...

What It Feels Like

Flying angels in dresses of white,
Soaring up in the sky,
So pretty and beautiful,
These phrases can’t describe

Confusion in my mind,
I just can’t understand,
Then, I say a word of pray,
Wish it will go away.

Why do I see grey clouds?
Darker then they used to be,
This must be God’s sign,
For the first time, I know,
What it feels like to believe.

Don’t know how I got here,
Many days have come and gone,
The end is getting near,
But I’ll keep moving on.

The world is changing now,
And the space is going round,
Darkness seems so clear now,
I know what I have found.

Why do I see the pouring rain?
Thicker than yesterdays,
This must be His sign,
Deep in my heart, I realize,
What it feels like to be alive.

I wrote this 2 years ago. One of the earliest literary thoughts that I've ever written, and it's based on a song that I really liked back then. It's about you discover things you have never seen before, know things you have never known and trying to say that you are celebrating what you have and be grateful, be inspired by what freedom and faith have to offer in life, through whatever even a tinge of darkness that may come in your way. It makes me realize, I have never been in that moment of ease for quite some time ...

Like I Never Have Faith At All

Hmm....not actually a great start. Sickness, feeling like you're all by yourself all the time, caught up in workload and on top of everything, not having much inspiration. These are the things that make me even down and somber. Sometime I just feel like I've done nothing more than just trying to destroy myself. Because you know that you're doing things so halfheartedly, and they wont get you anywhere. I'm up against the world right now and pretty much, I'm on my own. And after all that we've done, sometime we kinda like figure out, are these meant for us eventually? Will these be rewarding later on? Are we up for nothing? or have we done enough? I'm afraid I have no answer to those questions. I can just keep on living my life, trying to catch up with things, lifeless. Like you'd never believe in anything before, like you never have faith at all...