Rain on the Afternoon

I wake myself up
From that long, dreamless night
A sleep that seemed so restless
Though I’d turned off the light

I wake myself up
To the sound of teardrops falling on the roof
Absent-mindedly looking out my window
To find out it’s raining on the afternoon

People on the roadside turn away and run
As the grey clouds sail away under the sun
I’m sitting on my bed watching time flies by
So fast like these falling raindrops from the sky

Life seems to be so all over the place
Never know what might lie under the mess
Thinking of the big old world outside
Makes my young heart feel so little inside

I take a shower
Not knowing the water has gotten colder
As if I’m gonna get myself frozen
And no one cares to even bother

It’s way pass 12, I put on my clothes
And realize, I shouldn’t have dressed up so soon
My mind is here, but the thoughts are gone
In the pouring rain on the afternoon

Still, I could spend some time to say a little pray
Never give a chance for life to lead me astray
Hoping I would always be in the bliss of love
Always be blessed by Heaven above

Life seems to be so all over the place
All good things don't seem to last these days
Thinking of the crazy world outside
Makes this young heart cry a little inside

What a feeling
In this time I’m wasting
I’ll keep myself sane
As the rain keeps falling




P/S:
This was written last year during one rainy afternoon of one of the lowest days I had. I had to make up my mind back then on one of those critical matters in my life. I poured this one out to get out of that sadness. Whatever is written in this piece is exactly everything I did at that time. How I wish things would be as simple as I imagine they would be ...

A Painful Choice For Tomorrow's Fulfillment ...

It's 1 in the morning where everything drowns in the darkness of the midnight. And it is very cold out there, I get chills all over me when I'm in the house. Currently in front of my sis's notebook because I had to send mine again to my technician. As always, nothing is perfect but I never would have thought it could get this imperfect. And guess what, I just got it 5 days ago and I had to send it to my technician because of one little problem that could get worse if untreated. What a day in the life of a boy just wanting to have his normal life back.

Today, somebody close to me bugged me with a triggering question that I was not prepared to answer. What am I going to do after graduating? Well, I never thought of planning to find job or whatever things that a normal person would do after finishing my practicum. But I did decide on certain things. I just didn't know how to answer it and I decided to keep quite about it. But the things that I had decided upon before this are definitely taking a lot more sacrifice than what I have now. It is definitely a painful choice to make, but it's worth every bit of sacrifice that I'm going to do for tomorrow's fulfillment ...

Never Ending

Crimson flame,

Burning like a sun,

A sign for me,

It’s all been said and done.

Shining light,

Blinding my vision,

But it’s all over now,

Finally, I can see my salvation.

Throw those lies away,

Live like there’s no end,

For better or for worse,

I live my life till the end.

This is a song for the lonely,

Crying over never-ending sad stories,

Let love prevails once again,

Wash your tears away in the pouring rain.

The truth,

It’s like diamonds in the sky,

They could be a million miles away,

But, the lights shine bright.

Roses’ thorns,

They’re nothing but hurting chains,

Keep yourself away from the raging lies,

Because, they’ll only cost you pain.

“Happily ever after” won’t come,

Without “Once upon a time”

Let your heart beats like a drum,

Because you know, it’s not a crime.

This is the only way out of,

Your never-ending insanity,

Things you’ve never dreamed of,

They’re all in your hands to see.

Things happen,

There’s a reason why,

A million decisions,

It’s for you to decide.

Broken hearts,

Will heal once again,

Love will keep you out,

Of the pain you’re in.

NOTE:

Wow. How long have I been keeping this one? This is actually an early writing of mine. A couple of years ago to be exact. Based on one of my friends' experience of having a very rough-filled moments with all bad things just wouldn't want to end. But, that person knew that it's all meant to be so that the person could get stronger with each pain. Definitely an old piece and I like keeping it just like this, not only to show the original thoughts of my teen years, but also growth of a person. And I'm growing day by day, so does the person I took the experience from to write this one ... 

Poetry is the Body, Emotions are the Souls ...

With such proud and arrogance, I would like to confess something here. I am not a good writer, even a good judge over things revolving around me. I am not Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson or whoever literary figure that you may be familiar with. But, all I can say is that, words are the only thing that I have when I cannot do or say something explicit and obvious. Whatever that I can do or say freely without constraint, it may just be the simplest that I can do. I learn that, they are things you can speak as freely as you want and they are things that can never work when you try doing them sometimes. When you don't see me ranting about somebody, helplessly trying to get help when I cannot do things or anything, you will find me looking for answers in my poetry. 

Poetry, especially the lyrical poetry is my obsession. Not only an obsession, it is my salvation apart from my God and my faith. I will write something about what I am emotionally connected to or even other things that I cannot do or say well. I am a very emotionally engaging human being and I can easily feel towards something that I am connected to. Whatever things that people have told me about, I would write most of them and keep them till the day I could tell these with such freedom. 

What I learn about writing thoughts and emotions through poetry is that, it can actually suppress my deepest, darkest emotions and mend them without ever making me go insane. They are my seductive trap and I will try as hard as I can to not show them. What I am showing is the true self of mine, but with subtleness. I am not showing it off too much that people would find reasons to hate me. I have a body and a soul that I'm living with every single day. And the same goes to my thoughts as well when I'm writing one. Poetry is the body, and emotions are the souls that it carries along with ...

I Was Enchanted ...

How this one person can speak my mind out like it's nothing, I'm not too sure about that. Something magical is definitely in the air when she speaks, and when she does, I cannot stop relating myself to what is being said. Yesterday, I managed to download an album before heading to my hometown. It took me a night to listen to every single song in the album because I was listening in my MP3 player while folding up staff and packing up everything. A favorite singer of mine, specifically, a favorite songwriter of mine. And this person didn't disappoint. I was into every single song in the album not because of they're new and great (they are a great piece of musical craftsmanship anyway). It's that, I can actually relate every single one of them to what is currently going on in my life, especially for the past few rough weeks that I had. I will not hesitate to admit that I cried listening to one of the song in the album. The song let me know something very important. You can plan everything all you want, even emotions that you want to feel. But, interventions will just want to halt some of them and you will have to start all over again. I kept repeating the song all over again till the moment I took my last steps before going home this morning. I was enchanted, and I still am now ... 

Wish We Could Have More Time to Spare for Everything ...

I'm going to start writing down my thoughts for the today's entry with a big "sigh", like I did when I woke up this morning. It's not like I want to. But it's more like a way of responding what I'm going to face in a few weeks leading to my final exams. I literally have so much work to be done, assignments, discussion, exams preparations, while waiting for the final praticum list to be issued soon. I can't help but to feel so helpless and nobody can help me get out of this. Lecturers start to get so irritating, work start piling up and everyone will not be around most of the time. I'm pretty much being left alone to get everything done. I've got some friends that I can rely on in times like this but in the end, it's all up to you to get everything together and do a successful job out of it. 

The problem is, which I think is the factor that cause most of human's job unfinished in time, is none other than the time itself. Time is a basic thing in the life of people on the go like me. But somehow, I never learn how to appreciate and make use of what time has given me properly, because of there are people who just like throw their everyday frustration and bring down their frustration on us. So, it looks like we're the one to blame and the one carrying the burden. I never get use to that. God has been telling me so many times to appreciate it in whatever situation that I'm in. But somehow, it feels so hard to do when everyone else doesn't want to make it easy. I'm not blaming God whatsoever. I just hope people out there who actually say they concern about one's future, can actually understand and realize that they are not the only people getting caught in the mess of everyday's job. 

Oh well, thinking about all the things that need to be done really fast and all the people that just can't stop getting on your nerve can make you sick. But you know you have to tough it up and put a brave front, face them with whatever that you can manage to do, and not by doing it forcefully. Whatever that you give your best at in whatever work that you do, you need to remain satisfied and hopefully you can say to yourself that you have tried your best and do the best you can and it's up to those who consider and evaluate. Prays never hurt. In the middle of the festive season, it's definitely hard to concentrate on work when your mind is thinking of relaxation and having fun. How I wish we could have more time to spare for everything ... 

I Don't Understand Him At All ...

Sometimes, it makes me wonder ... "Is he going through an age where everything seems so wrong in his eyes and everything that he does just seems wrong to other people?" It's hard to figure out a man's mind at times, especially when you are trying to figure a mind of a figure. A father figure to be exact. For the last few ... emm .. a few months, he's been acting so wrong in what he's doing. Always here and there and throwing all sorts of tantrum and really got people irritated. And guess what? It's coming from a person you called "father". I sighed thinking about him in the past and there's no different now. It's the same and it's getting a lot worse. I don't what I should do? Mother and sis have stop working on figuring him out. I've been trying to stay away from this matter and trying to act like everything is just beyond what I can do and God has the best thing coming in the end in the future if I choose not to meddle into it. 

He's been acting like this in the past and everyone just got scared of seeing him like that because, you know, something really bad and chaotic might happen. And now, everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY in the household just doesn't seem to care. He's feeling all touching and emotional about that. Hopefully he understands why people are starting to give more space to him to the point of staying away just to do so, because I don't understand him at all. Looks like all these years of people conceiving anger on him are finally taking its toll. 

I really love him dearly as a father, but he should have understood and figured out why it happens now. Because people are not going to tell him what's going on when what's been going on is happening in front of him every single time and day ...