Innocence White Reminiscence Black

Long Gone Last Innocence ~ Fateful Haunting Reminiscence

The First 6 Months

6 months have passed, just like wind. So fast you haven't finished figuring out and digesting most of the things that have happened within that period. And suddenly, you open your eyes and the second 6 months of the year have already commenced. And I find it very interesting to actually start this entry with the first note of the year, as I started previously with a poetry post. I should have done the note first, then moving on with the poetry. But, it happens that the need to start a note comes at this very moment and not previously. So here it goes. Let's start this one off by saying that this has been the most challenging year I've ever had yet. The new year started with a bang too. And now I'm spilling some of the things out.

My new year kicked off by studying and completing my lessons and assignments for the last 2 subjects that I would take up before going for my 15-week teaching practicum around 2 weeks from that moment. It was really difficult for everybody, and especially me, when I hadn't finished accepting the fact that my teaching practicum was brought forward from March initially to January. All I could say at that time was, I wasn't even ready to face what was in front of me and I was forced to accept the fact that I would be going for it in less than 2 weeks time. And I would be having the last final exam for the 2 subjects taken a week before going for practicum. With so many things to be taken care of and so little time to spare for all the preparation, I wasn't sure whether to go for it or skip it. And I have a short thesis to prepare and complete too. I started to realize that I had so many things on my plate at that particular moment. Miraculously, I managed to complete every single thing, and score very well. And I actually found time to write some poetry in between. The last day of the exam was very hard. It's even harder the night before. We knew we had to say goodbye and we never knew when we would ever meet again. I walked home with all the memories of 3-4 years we had together flashing through my mind. It was a very tough time, till the very last minutes of packing stuff and checking out the day after. I realized at that time as well, I was actually pretty good in not showing my reluctance to be apart from my college friends. I promised myself not to because I didn't really think that we're going to be a world apart just yet. I believed at that time that we could still be able to meet one another and we did. I stumbled into some of them when I was at my college dealing with my supervising lecturers as they happened to be there for the same reason as well. Back to what I was talking about just then, that concluded my life as a college students. Next; being a teacher. Trainee teacher, to be exact.

God knows how nervous I was on my first day at training school. There were so many things to know and so much to remember; the teachers, the staff, the students, the classes, the buildings and most importantly, how to do well during that period. I never knew being teacher is a demanding job. From a former student's point of view of mine, I thought being a teacher was only about teaching students knowledge and marking papers. I had never thought about the "other" work. Especially in a vocational and skills oriented school, where knowledge and skills are taught, learned and practiced at the same time. It's a tough job and it changed the perception that I had about teachers in the past. I dare to say that the experience was actually mind-changing and eye-opening. I started getting along with the teachers and the staff. They were so nice and so helpful. They really showed us around and made us feel like home. There were, still, a few ones that were quite "stand-off"-ish and a bit unfriendly. I took that as a learning experience as you can't expect everybody to like you. But you don't ever be that way to others. Show as much respect as you can. 

During these 15 weeks as well, I had a chance to get to know my teammates. I never really knew much about them before this. So, I treated that as a bonding session. I tried to get to know them a little bit better and I got to know many interesting parts of who they are I had never seen and known before. For 15 weeks, we were trying to work as a team. We did our lesson plans and shared our thoughts and ideas, helped each other, helping teachers pulling off events, took care of students and watched over them. It was so hectic that we actually had to sit down one day in the staffroom and made a decision to extend our thesis completion from March's end to June's end. And yes, we were traveling back and forth from where we were staying to our college to deal with our supervisors and superiors. At the end of our practicum, we still could not believe that we managed to pull off all those things we did and survived. As soon as it ended, everybody started working on their thesis and so was I. By June, my friends and I successfully submitted them all. At this time, I haven't really found the job that I am looking for. Some of my friends are already working, some are still searching and having job interviews. I'm still here trying to figure out what I should do. I have decided to pursue a masters programme early next year. Just thinking about it makes me want to hunt for jobs as I need to save up for it. I can't live off my parents' money for the rest of my life. I must be optimistic.

I haven't really written much as well. Due to the lack of pastime and the workload since the very first month of the year, I couldn't spare some time to write about things. I didn't update this blog, I just didn't. So many great ideas came to mind during that hectic time. But, I just couldn't find time to sit down, clear my head and write them down. And, they ended up vanishing into thin air and nowhere to be found. Therefore, I have also decided that I want to return to my writing and brush it up. I want to revive that sense again and better it. Moreover, I am currently listening to a lot of different music lately. I discover new artist and bands, new tunes, their inspiration to write and their way of saying things. I'm reading a lot of literature, facts, stories and histories these days as well. I am truly inspired. They really broaden my horizon even more and make me want to open up to new things and discover new ways to say things. I really want to put what I have gained from discovering all these to a test and see how far I could push myself creatively. I never want to stop this new-found experience. I want to explore more and see things in many new perspectives from now on. 

And so, I hope that in the next 6 months, I would find most of the things that I've always been looking for in life. I really want to stay positive and embrace life from now on. As you get older, you may want to see things differently and be a better person that you were previously. I don't really want to let negativity get the best of me. I really need to learn to be ignorant and not let them go to my head. Those things and people that I love and care so much for are all I have. As long as I have them inside here, and a little bit of faith as well, I might be able to do it, and maybe, I'll find the happiness that I've lost once again eventually ...


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