Innocence White Reminiscence Black

Long Gone Last Innocence ~ Fateful Haunting Reminiscence


That cold night came with so much glitter
Lighting up the perfect, navy blue sky
We were a few miles away from town
But, we knew there’s a celebration coming down

We took a car and drove away
As fast as we could, so we wouldn’t be late
But, we got there just in time to watch
The most beautiful night we’d ever had

Silence all around
10 to 1, we started to count

I looked at you
You’re too caught up in the moment
With a smile on your face
Enraptured by those fireworks
Bursting in the sky
And across the space
I took a chance and told you I love you
And that was the last thing I’d ever said to you

That cold night comes around again tonight
Can’t believe it’s been a year without you by my side
As I drive away, I wonder where you are tonight
Would you be there if I called you out this time?

Lovers, walking down every corner of the streets
Away from the world, what matters is here
Looking back at those days we used to be in love
I’ve got teary-eyed, I just can’t hold back these tears

It’s happening all over again
10 to 1, but everything remains unchanged

And I think of you
In the middle of the crowd
I fake a smile on my face
As I’m looking at the fireworks
My mind is filled with thoughts of you
In every space
Wish you were here to see me crying
I don’t want anything else
‘Coz it’s you I’m missing

Goodbyes fill the air
Ready to call it a day
All good things will come to end
But, hurts and pain are here to stay

I pray for you
As I’m closing another chapter of my life
Without a smile on my face
Then, the fireworks stop
I guess I have to go now
I’m heading back to my place
So, I take this chance to forgive you
But, I’d never know if I could ever forget you

The second one from a pair of work that I did after listening to a song. The first one was One Less Pair of Hearts. Another theme that goes on in that song is about how fireworks triggers love memories with that person, signifies the end of a relationship and paves a way to move on. Wrote this exactly after the first one. And I actually was writing this with a melody in mind. The story might just be an exaggeration. But the persona I took the inspiration to write this from is real and that person is a dear friend of mine ...

World of Wonders

Leave your bed cold now, sweet child
Open up your beautiful eyes
Wake up from your never-ending dream
The light of a new world is waiting

Don’t be afraid and whimper, sweet child
Open up your innocent heart wide
It’s time for you to look deep inside
In your soul you’ll find meaning, it’s not a lie

Take that first step and you realize
It’s a world of wonders outside
Full of things that you’ve never seen
And places you’ve never been

My sweet child
Waiting for the life to begin
Let your tears run dry
Make your way to a new beginning

Never feel a little too late to learn
There will always be a room for improvement
Evil whispers everywhere, lingering on your ears
Remember, God is ever watching over your shoulders

Growing up is a hard thing to do, love
So, better look on the brighter side
Mother will save you from falling out of love
Father’s hands will lift you up high ‘till you reach the sky

Hurricane winds and raging thunderstorm
Come crashing down on your way back home
Try to find a perfect shelter along the way
So, you’ll be coming back home safe from harm

My sweet child
Taking off on a journey
Never ever lose your sight
Keep praying wherever you may be

Don’t dwell on yesterday
If it ever makes you sad
Senseless fear won’t get you anywhere
Nothing’s coming in your way
Don’t worry, it’s gonna be okay
You know love will always take you there

My sweet child
Heaven above is ever forgiving
Mistakes are meant to be learnt
Live a life worth a thousand years of living

Something that I wrote a year ago. A very simple message for the youngsters who will take over the future when we've got older ...

Here We Are

Those days when we used to play around
With false hopes and empty dreams
We’re close to falling off the ground
And drowned ourselves in misery
We lost our guiding light so many times along the way
Never thought after all that we’d been through
We would ever find it again

Here we are
Together as one
Wrapping our sweet thoughts around us
Through the day and through the night
You’ll be here beside me
Forever ad always, you’re my one and only

Still remember
We used to sing those love songs
And we talked about those silly things
That you would be the queen
And I would be the king
In the imaginary castle that we built
Then, we had ups and downs and we both went away chasing dreams
Never thought after all these years
We would find ourselves loving each other once again

Here we are
Together again
Looking back at our bittersweet past
Can’t help but to cry
Knowing you’ll be by my side
Now I realize that we’re just meant to last

True love is here to stay
Happiness, whispering in the air
What more could I ask for?
I can never find another you anywhere
Now, let’s live and die
Together in the light

Here we are
Looking at each other
As we wrap ourselves around the promises
"Happily ever after” is right in front of us
Don’t ever think this is a fairytale
Just believe in what I say
Forever and always, we’ll stay this way

Since November this year a month full of weddings and heartbreaks, might as well I post this one that I wrote a year ago. Wrote this with a picture of a pair of hearts reminiscing good old bittersweet days before walking down the isle and lead a new life ahead. Even if heartbreaks are your company, it's good to take some time and reminisce all good times you had previously before you head on to another new beginning. ^o^ And for those who will be walking down the isle, I sincerely wish you all the best be happy...

One Less Pair of Hearts

It was yesterday
When you told me we would go out and play
I remembered it well
That you wanted to take me to that place
Where the night would never end

We would walk down the street where you used to see
Those dreams of love and bliss live eternally

Now, I’m here
Looking at those people walking hand in hand
Looking at the sky full of stars at night
Now, I’m here
Putting all hopes and fears in this one chance
But you’re nowhere to be found
I can see they’re sitting around, next to each other
Waiting for the fireworks to start
Bet they won’t ever realize
There’s still one less pair of hearts.

Guess it’s true
They say all your prays will be answered
And nothing can make you cry tonight
It makes me wonder
“Could these tears of mine dry this time?”

‘Coz I’m hoping you would wash them all away
And I would say a pray with every step we’d take

Now, I’m here
Looking at those people walking hand in hand
Looking at the sky full of stars at night
Now, I’m here
Putting all hopes and fears in this one chance
But you’re nowhere to be found
I can see they’re sitting around, next to each other
Waiting for the fireworks to start
Bet they won’t ever realize
There’s still one less pair of hearts.

I could make my way back home right now
And just pretend you’ve never promised me anything
I could just be looking around, wasting this time away
But I don’t know why I’m still waiting

And now I’m here
Looking at those people walking side by side
Under the sky full of stars tonight
But I’m in tears
Knowing I’ve been holding on to just empty words
‘Coz you’re nowhere to be found
The moment they begin to lie down on the grass
Fireworks tear the silence all apart
Guess they will never know
I’m that one less pair of hearts

Wrote this a year ago after listening to a Japanese song. In fact, this is one of a pair of original writings that I wrote based on that song. I couldn't help but to feel connected with the song. So, I wrote this one, based on the message it conveyed and a little bit of from a friend's experience, before calling it a day. I know very well how difficult it is to hold on to empty words and empty love ...

Rain on the Afternoon

I wake myself up
From that long, dreamless night
A sleep that seemed so restless
Though I’d turned off the light

I wake myself up
To the sound of teardrops falling on the roof
Absent-mindedly looking out my window
To find out it’s raining on the afternoon

People on the roadside turn away and run
As the grey clouds sail away under the sun
I’m sitting on my bed watching time flies by
So fast like these falling raindrops from the sky

Life seems to be so all over the place
Never know what might lie under the mess
Thinking of the big old world outside
Makes my young heart feel so little inside

I take a shower
Not knowing the water has gotten colder
As if I’m gonna get myself frozen
And no one cares to even bother

It’s way pass 12, I put on my clothes
And realize, I shouldn’t have dressed up so soon
My mind is here, but the thoughts are gone
In the pouring rain on the afternoon

Still, I could spend some time to say a little pray
Never give a chance for life to lead me astray
Hoping I would always be in the bliss of love
Always be blessed by Heaven above

Life seems to be so all over the place
All good things don't seem to last these days
Thinking of the crazy world outside
Makes this young heart cry a little inside

What a feeling
In this time I’m wasting
I’ll keep myself sane
As the rain keeps falling

This was written last year during one rainy afternoon of one of the lowest days I had. I had to make up my mind back then on one of those critical matters in my life. I poured this one out to get out of that sadness. Whatever is written in this piece is exactly everything I did at that time. How I wish things would be as simple as I imagine they would be ...

A Painful Choice For Tomorrow's Fulfillment ...

It's 1 in the morning where everything drowns in the darkness of the midnight. And it is very cold out there, I get chills all over me when I'm in the house. Currently in front of my sis's notebook because I had to send mine again to my technician. As always, nothing is perfect but I never would have thought it could get this imperfect. And guess what, I just got it 5 days ago and I had to send it to my technician because of one little problem that could get worse if untreated. What a day in the life of a boy just wanting to have his normal life back.

Today, somebody close to me bugged me with a triggering question that I was not prepared to answer. What am I going to do after graduating? Well, I never thought of planning to find job or whatever things that a normal person would do after finishing my practicum. But I did decide on certain things. I just didn't know how to answer it and I decided to keep quite about it. But the things that I had decided upon before this are definitely taking a lot more sacrifice than what I have now. It is definitely a painful choice to make, but it's worth every bit of sacrifice that I'm going to do for tomorrow's fulfillment ...

Never Ending

Crimson flame,
Burning like a sun,
A sign for me,
It’s all been said and done.

Shining light,
Blinding my vision,
But it’s all over now,
Finally, I can see my salvation.

Throw those lies away,
Live like there’s no end,
For better or for worse,
I live my life till the end.

This is a song for the lonely,
Crying over never-ending sad stories,
Let love prevails once again,
Wash your tears away in the pouring rain.

The truth,
It’s like diamonds in the sky,
They could be a million miles away,
But, the lights shine bright.

Roses’ thorns,
They’re nothing but hurting chains,
Keep yourself away from the raging lies,
Because, they’ll only cost you pain.

“Happily ever after” won’t come,
Without “Once upon a time”
Let your heart beats like a drum,
Because you know, it’s not a crime.

This is the only way out of,
Your never-ending insanity,
Things you’ve never dreamed of,
They’re all in your hands to see.

Things happen,
There’s a reason why,
A million decisions,
It’s for you to decide.

Broken hearts,
Will heal once again,
Love will keep you out,
Of the pain you’re in.

Wow. How long have I been keeping this one? This is actually an early writing of mine. A couple of years ago to be exact. Based on one of my friends' experience of having a very rough-filled moments with all bad things just wouldn't want to end. But, that person knew that it's all meant to be so that the person could get stronger with each pain. Definitely an old piece and I like keeping it just like this, not only to show the original thoughts of my teen years, but also growth of a person. And I'm growing day by day, so does the person I took the experience from to write this one ... 

Poetry is the Body, Emotions are the Souls ...

With such proud and arrogance, I would like to confess something here. I am not a good writer, even a good judge over things revolving around me. I am not Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson or whoever literary figure that you may be familiar with. But, all I can say is that, words are the only thing that I have when I cannot do or say something explicit and obvious. Whatever that I can do or say freely without constraint, it may just be the simplest that I can do. I learn that, they are things you can speak as freely as you want and they are things that can never work when you try doing them sometimes. When you don't see me ranting about somebody, helplessly trying to get help when I cannot do things or anything, you will find me looking for answers in my poetry. 

Poetry, especially the lyrical poetry is my obsession. Not only an obsession, it is my salvation apart from my God and my faith. I will write something about what I am emotionally connected to or even other things that I cannot do or say well. I am a very emotionally engaging human being and I can easily feel towards something that I am connected to. Whatever things that people have told me about, I would write most of them and keep them till the day I could tell these with such freedom. 

What I learn about writing thoughts and emotions through poetry is that, it can actually suppress my deepest, darkest emotions and mend them without ever making me go insane. They are my seductive trap and I will try as hard as I can to not show them. What I am showing is the true self of mine, but with subtleness. I am not showing it off too much that people would find reasons to hate me. I have a body and a soul that I'm living with every single day. And the same goes to my thoughts as well when I'm writing one. Poetry is the body, and emotions are the souls that it carries along with ...

I Was Enchanted ...

How this one person can speak my mind out like it's nothing, I'm not too sure about that. Something magical is definitely in the air when she speaks, and when she does, I cannot stop relating myself to what is being said. Yesterday, I managed to download an album before heading to my hometown. It took me a night to listen to every single song in the album because I was listening in my MP3 player while folding up staff and packing up everything. A favorite singer of mine, specifically, a favorite songwriter of mine. And this person didn't disappoint. I was into every single song in the album not because of they're new and great (they are a great piece of musical craftsmanship anyway). It's that, I can actually relate every single one of them to what is currently going on in my life, especially for the past few rough weeks that I had. I will not hesitate to admit that I cried listening to one of the song in the album. The song let me know something very important. You can plan everything all you want, even emotions that you want to feel. But, interventions will just want to halt some of them and you will have to start all over again. I kept repeating the song all over again till the moment I took my last steps before going home this morning. I was enchanted, and I still am now ... 

Wish We Could Have More Time to Spare for Everything ...

I'm going to start writing down my thoughts for the today's entry with a big "sigh", like I did when I woke up this morning. It's not like I want to. But it's more like a way of responding what I'm going to face in a few weeks leading to my final exams. I literally have so much work to be done, assignments, discussion, exams preparations, while waiting for the final praticum list to be issued soon. I can't help but to feel so helpless and nobody can help me get out of this. Lecturers start to get so irritating, work start piling up and everyone will not be around most of the time. I'm pretty much being left alone to get everything done. I've got some friends that I can rely on in times like this but in the end, it's all up to you to get everything together and do a successful job out of it. 

The problem is, which I think is the factor that cause most of human's job unfinished in time, is none other than the time itself. Time is a basic thing in the life of people on the go like me. But somehow, I never learn how to appreciate and make use of what time has given me properly, because of there are people who just like throw their everyday frustration and bring down their frustration on us. So, it looks like we're the one to blame and the one carrying the burden. I never get use to that. God has been telling me so many times to appreciate it in whatever situation that I'm in. But somehow, it feels so hard to do when everyone else doesn't want to make it easy. I'm not blaming God whatsoever. I just hope people out there who actually say they concern about one's future, can actually understand and realize that they are not the only people getting caught in the mess of everyday's job. 

Oh well, thinking about all the things that need to be done really fast and all the people that just can't stop getting on your nerve can make you sick. But you know you have to tough it up and put a brave front, face them with whatever that you can manage to do, and not by doing it forcefully. Whatever that you give your best at in whatever work that you do, you need to remain satisfied and hopefully you can say to yourself that you have tried your best and do the best you can and it's up to those who consider and evaluate. Prays never hurt. In the middle of the festive season, it's definitely hard to concentrate on work when your mind is thinking of relaxation and having fun. How I wish we could have more time to spare for everything ... 

I Don't Understand Him At All ...

Sometimes, it makes me wonder ... "Is he going through an age where everything seems so wrong in his eyes and everything that he does just seems wrong to other people?" It's hard to figure out a man's mind at times, especially when you are trying to figure a mind of a figure. A father figure to be exact. For the last few ... emm .. a few months, he's been acting so wrong in what he's doing. Always here and there and throwing all sorts of tantrum and really got people irritated. And guess what? It's coming from a person you called "father". I sighed thinking about him in the past and there's no different now. It's the same and it's getting a lot worse. I don't what I should do? Mother and sis have stop working on figuring him out. I've been trying to stay away from this matter and trying to act like everything is just beyond what I can do and God has the best thing coming in the end in the future if I choose not to meddle into it. 

He's been acting like this in the past and everyone just got scared of seeing him like that because, you know, something really bad and chaotic might happen. And now, everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY in the household just doesn't seem to care. He's feeling all touching and emotional about that. Hopefully he understands why people are starting to give more space to him to the point of staying away just to do so, because I don't understand him at all. Looks like all these years of people conceiving anger on him are finally taking its toll. 

I really love him dearly as a father, but he should have understood and figured out why it happens now. Because people are not going to tell him what's going on when what's been going on is happening in front of him every single time and day ... 


Somewhere up there in Heaven
He’s waiting for my answers
He let all the doors wide open
I have never been an honest prayer

I look into the sky tonight
I can no longer see all the star lights
It’s been days, but where are they now?
Have they fallen all the way to the ground?

Have they fallen?
I wonder ...

No use walking a million miles away
If you can never find a better place to stay
You think there won’t be light to shine your way
You find it hard to believe, but you keep on praying anyway

I know I should have just let go
All the pain and hurts I kept inside
I realise, life can be so shallow
You never get the same kind of chances twice

As the sky gets darker tonight
I pray that soon, there will be some star lights
Though I lose my reflection in the shattered mirror
I can see myself on the moon that shines

I can see it
It’s blinding me ...

No use walking a million miles away
If you can never find a better place to stay
You think there won’t be light to shine your way
You find it hard to believe, but you keep on praying anyway

Once lost in the wind of change
Being left in the pouring rain
Oh, what a day I had before
They say nothing is forever
Believe in one sacred power
So, I don’t have to wonder anymore

‘Coz faith and love
Are all that matter

Let time heals the wounds and wash away the past
I lift my head high and never look back
There’s no need to grieve for things I’ve lost in the fire
And I’ll start it all over again tonight ...

P/S :
Wrote this way back during my early years in college to cheer myself up and treat old wounds ...

Waiting for the Rain to Fall

I’m waiting for rain to fall
So, I can finally break the wall
Sunny day won’t do me favour
If you just sit on the other side, doing nothing at all

I’m waiting for the rain to fall
So, I can finally knock on your door
Clear blue sky won’t do me a thing
If you close your ears and don’t listen anymore

Faith is all that matters
Take your time and wonder

Don’t ever lose to your own coldness
You’ll be frozen by your emptiness
Open up your eyes to uncertainties
It’s just another simple way to live

I’m waiting for the rain to fall
We’ve been fighting endlessly these days
Heat of summer might not be good enough
If the sun that shines bright can’t melt your heart away

Ocean’s deep and mountain’s high
There’s no easy way out in this life
So, try and put out the flame inside
Let love be your guiding light
Through the sky full of grey clouds

‘Cause faith is all that matters
So, take your time and wonder

Then, the storm comes around
And so does the pouring rain
Hope you let it all out
Never hide your fears again

Something that I wrote early last year. It tells you about a somebody, doing everything including the impossibles to save what and who they love. Based on a true story of a friend of mine. It didn't end well eventually, but they are happy with their lives right and have already moved on ... 

In Need of His Grace ...

Aaahh ... feels good to be back here again and write something. I've never touched this space of mine for a good few months and it starts feeling very lonely here. So, I'm going to write something to break the silence. Feels good to be back home after a long walk of examination hardship even though it has been 2 and half months since. I can never reminisce every single thing that happened during that difficult time because they were just too hurtful to be remembered. But, there's still some good things happening and that's what I will take from there to be remembered for as long as I live. All I can say is that, for the first half of this year, I feel blessed and loved by the love from God and every loved ones out there, to be able to recognize the good and the bad again. My eyes have opened up to things we called truth and things we called lies. I could never be the same again and so those things are. I am going to get the right things done and never look back. I don't care what they want to do or say. I'm doing this for the sake of this heart and soul.

These last few days have been very restless for me. My world, or should I put it generally, today's world has been shocked by the thing we called "war" in this modern century. And worst, they were people who got killed during this period. I can help but to think this world may have gone mad in some points. I still can't believe that they are humans who just couldn't be so fully aware of the concept of world peace and still trying to make the worst out of every situation that could have turn for the better if they just take a moment and think. But, I can't also help myself from thinking that these group of people are just some of those things that are just "meant to be". What is happening in the world right now has made me restless. Nevertheless, because of it as well, I have come to realize one thing. This may just be one of those moments that we realize, we need Him more than ever ... don't you think? ...

The Point of It All ...

Doing a bit of self-reflection as I'm here sitting in my favourite cafe with my notebook to look upon. As soon as I woke up, I just realized that it's weekend and I didn't really have an idea what to do. I took my shower, got dressed and woke up out my room and out of my house. And I'm here, onlining as if I got nothing else to do. I still have a lot of work to do. But I decided not long ago that this weekend will be away-from-work day. Just for a while so that I can take a breath of fresh air and figure out what to do next with ease. I've been so out of control and so machine-like. There's no stopping for me these last few weeks. So, I really want this weekend to just work. It's not really going to be all away-from-work weekend totally. I decided to have this weekend for myself just so that I could make use of the time to figure out and finish my own piling work. And I managed to finish one. There's more to go. So the point of it all, I'm finally able to spend some time for myself and do my own thing.

If We Don't Ever Forgive ...

What would ones do, or should I put it like this ... what should ones feel when they don't want to forgive? Sometimes, I really wonder about this whole thing. Forgiveness, for me is a huge thing. But I don't really give my forgiveness away without common sense. There are things that are meant to be forgiven and they aren't. And I choose to live that way as that is one of the things that I believe in in this life. It is very amazing to know that there are very magnificent people who have pure hearts that can forgive and forget. Almost prophet-like. And I'm somewhat amazed by these act of humanity. There's a way that people can walk on to when it comes to searching for forgiveness. And it will always there for those who sincerely wants to forgive and be forgiven. I used to be so heartless. But at this time of age, I can't afford to live that way anymore. It's a waste of time. I learn that life won't ever be as bliss as we could ever wish it would be no matter how far you would go to feel happy .... if we don't ever forgive ...

Cotton Candy Clouds

A little girl wondering around
A little too young to have things figured out
A little too small to stand tall
She’s just too little to walk in that huge crowd
Pain is all she’s got left and it falls like pouring rain
And when it stops, everybody asks “What had you found?”
She just smiles and walks away

I have never seen
Such a beautiful wonder like this
So innocent, an untainted flower
She lives through her days in bliss
Before she knows it her heart has healed

A mother and a father
And a little boy they don’t seem to bother
Always out and leave him alone
As if elsewhere is so much better than home
For all his life, he never knows what true love is
And when it’s time to go, he just smiles upon his fate
Never shed a tears

They can’t ever see
Such a beautiful smile like his
He’s always been there waiting at the front door
Now, he’s gone forevermore
Nevermore, he lives in misery, his heart has been healed

A woman lying on her bed
Alone with all her thoughts of painful yesterdays
Waiting for her moment to fly away
So she could forget all her bruises and her broken faith
Then, she turns her eyes to that sky full of cotton candy clouds
With tears upon her face, she says to God above
“I want to leave here now”

Guess she’s already seen
The light that comes to save her
It takes her breath away
And soon, she finds her way to Heaven
‘Coz God is great and all her hurts will be healed

Sometimes, dealing with the pain is the best "teacher" when it comes to living a life ...

To Give and To Take

What is the meaning of to give and the meaning of to take? especially in love life? I don't really think that people really have gotten the idea of these things yet. Sometimes, when they say they are in love and the first thing that comes through when they talk is, "We learn to give and to take in love" I'm not quite sure if I'm ever going to believe that. Because it never did happen in the past. So, to make the saying live in this world just might be a wishful thinking. I kind of feel sad and frustrated to see people suffer because of the thing that they call pure love. What is love when all you ever feel is just a pain that eats you from the inside. The idea of giving and taking is quite far away from reality now. But, I keep my head and my heart high and wish that it would happen someday for me, and the same goes to people out there ....

Regrets for the Past

I can't help but to drown myself day by day in my ow regrets for all the things happening in the past, all that happen now and maybe, all the things that will happen in the future. It's the very part of me that is affecting and emotionally controlling. It moulds pretty much everything of who I am and what people see in me nowadays. As you get older, you're getting mature with your choice and thoughts and suddenly, you're reminiscing about those things that "killed" you way before this. Yesterday, something really came up unexpectedly and it was so shocking. But then again,. I don't really have the heart to feel hate, or to even thinking of hating because I am now, like anybody else. Human and emotionally vulnerable. As much as you want to get that particular bad karma and vibes out of you, you can't really help but regretting them again and again. It's hard to keep up with the pace of today when you still can't find a way to get over your broken. It stays in you as a reminder that you're so bad that you don't even deserve to be given a room for forgiveness whatsoever. And you just end up being filled with guilt. It's a tough life that I'm going through at the moment. But sadly, I'm too private that I can't even share some of them with those great people of mine to ease up the pain and lift some of the burdens away ...

To Forgive & To Forget ...

It's been a while since my last entry. The time is slipping so fast and I'm trying the best I can to catch up with it. So, with just that, I've taken a lot of my own time and space. But, it's all good and I'm moving forward. I had some good progress with my writing two. I just finished one piece of wonderful writing, written based on my friend's experience and relationship in love last week and I couldn't be more happier. Though, I had to apologize to him several times because I didn't want to be looked at as someone who is just taking advantage of a good relationship that I have with people around me. But, it's all okay since he said it's fine. It's a very challenging time these days, especially for my ideas and thoughts. They happen to ring a bell once in a while, the urge to write seldom comes nowadays, making my writing's progression a little bit slower than it used to be before this. But, I'm liking this very moment so much. It is because, the ideas that come out a few in a while turn out to be better than before, thus allowing me to express my feelings and thought much freer and easier. 

These past few days that I have not updated this journal, I spent those days with a lot of self-reflection and self-realization over things happening around me. And just a few nights ago, I was looking back at some of the past that I'd never got the chance to rid off. It had stayed for a long time and that night, I was self-reflecting on those things. I took a very long period of reminiscing and a few moments of chatting with a good friend of mine to really get the most of it out. And right now at this time, I'm starting to feel a little bit better and relieved that so far, I'm still being blessed with a life that I can lead. That night, I said the very last goodbye to those past. Even though it's not much, but it took a large amount of grieve out of my heart and on that very night too, I started to do what I'd never thought I would ever do in my life to forgive and to forget ... 

A New Beginning ...

Happy new year. The window of a new decade is finally open. When everybody is out there wishing everybody happy new year and good fortune, I'm here trying to sort things out, trying to sort myself out. I've been in the lowest these past few years. And right now, I think I'm going to make a change. I don't know if the change could "change" my life as a whole. But, I just believe that it is time for change, time to change. Maybe getting a little bit fearless when it comes to making decision and deciding. Maybe, trying to be a little bit more in touch with myself, my needs, my emotions and everything that I want. Not to forget, to those who I have drifted apart from and purposely drifted away. I know that sometime, I have a hard time trying to make myself look make sense and acceptable. It's the way I am and it's going to take a long time for me to cease this away. Maybe, I should try a bit by reducing the gap, And to those who people tend to call them the "enemies", right now all I'm saying is you are so at the back of mind. I should start forgetting every hurt and every pain and I want you to know that I have and there is nothing that could make this heart melt anymore. I let you stick to your own devices and do whatever you want. I have enough people who love me dearly, more than you did before. And I love them every much. God is who I give my heart and my soul to. So, I leave it all to Him. He knows best. And back to the story of myself. I just realize that I am on my way to fulfilling my dreams. And I finger cross every single day just hoping that it would come true. I won't stop believing in them until they finally come true. Overall, I just want to say that now, my life is going to be bigger and challenging. And you know what, this is what I want. This is it, a new beginning of the chapter of my life. It starts here and it starts right now...